By Laura Barrette Shannon
Most people think that their life story is just a succession of events that can’t be changed. This is partially true. The past is a combination of what has happened and, more importantly, your subjective interpretation of those events. How you narrate your personal history will directly affect how you feel about yourself and influence how others see you.
What is your story? Your story is what you tell yourself and others about your life. We do this all the time when we meet new people. The longer we know them, the more we fill the story with whole chapters and characters we have met. The key is to know that while you can’t change the past, you can change how you interpret it. You are the narrator of your life, so you have the power to change the viewpoint of the story.
Changing the viewpoint of your story involves looking at past events in a different way. We live in a world of duality. Any event can be seen as positive or negative, depending on what is emphasized. Think about your life story. Do you feel like you’ve been a victim of circumstance, or have you learned to triumph through adversity. Depending on how you interpret the past, it can be viewed as tragic or epic. For example, I could tell my story as a tragedy, featuring me as the star victim:
The best years of my life were taken from me when I became disabled in my late 20s due to a problem in my brainstem.
I was in pain all the time and was stuck in a cycle of depression. My condition eventually required brain surgery. One month before the surgery, my only daughter was tragically killed in an auto accident. My life has been one bad nightmare. Nothing ever goes my way. How can I ever be happy? I hate my life!
This is a “Woe is me!” type story of victimization.
Or I can tell it as an epic story starring me as the hero: Many years ago, I went through some emotional and physical trauma. These events provided an atmosphere of deep introspection of life and acted as a catalyst for self-transformation. When I became physically disabled it gave me time to practice meditation, and learn to connect with my authentic self. The loss of my daughter taught me to respect the precious gift of life. I came to realize that I was disrespecting this gift by complaining and being pessimistic. I learned that I can be happy no matter what happened in the past, regardless of current life circumstances, or whatever the future unfolds. I am grateful for the challenges of my past, because it has given me the opportunity to grow into who I am today.
This is a “Life is good!” type story of triumph through adversity.
It is important to understand that both versions of the story are just different perspectives of the same past events. The past hasn’t changed; the way I think about it has changed. What I choose to verbally emphasize has changed. How I revised my storyline altered my character in the story, shifting it from a victim to a hero. This shifted who I am, transforming my life.
Become aware of how you talk about yourself. Your every word defines who you want the world to see and reinforces your self-image. How you reflect upon and share your story will affect your self-esteem and how others see you. Don’t play the victim in your life story, you won’t feel like a victim, and you won’t be perceived as a victim.
If you keep the narration focused on unlimited potential for the future, lessons from past adversity, appreciation for the people who come and go, and gratitude for life itself, you will not only enjoy life more, you will be a joy to be around.
How to Change Your Story
Today ask yourself, “What’s my story?” If you don’t like the story, then change it. Don’t fabricate lies, just reframe how you describe past events and who you are. If you had past adversity or tragedy, begin to speak only of the lessons you have learned. Don’t focus on the pain. Focus on how you used the experience to grow as a person or how you learned more about yourself and life in the process.
Take time to sit down and rewrite your life story. It may take many rewrites before you eliminate all of the negative narration that you have been accustomed to telling yourself and others. At least start with one happier, more positive version of your story. You will be able to rewrite it as often and as much as you desire. There are numerous ways to tell any story. Make yours a happy one, even if you don’t believe it yet.
Story lines can be changed as easily as transforming your words.
Transform “I can’t do that.” into “I’ll give it a try!”
Transform “I’m not good at ____.” into “I’ll do my best.”
Transform “I’m not very good at _____.” into “I do it because I enjoy it.”
Transform “I am a victim of circumstances.” into “My experiences have taught me valuable lessons.”
Transform “Life is difficult.” into “Life provides many learning opportunities.”
Begin to use story lines that cast you as the hero.
“I learned so much going through _________. I am truly grateful for the experience.”
“Going through the loss of __________ really taught me how I should never take things for granted.”
“I learned that I can grow stronger through adversity.”
“I am not afraid to follow my dreams, because I know that failure is just a step on the path and another notch in my belt of experience.”
“I know I can be happy no matter what happens in my life.”
“Life is good!”
You are the writer and the director, choose what to zoom in on or cut out. You can describe your character any way you wish. It’s your life! You write your own story, make it a happy one and watch your life transform.
Laura Barrette Shannon is a poet, philosopher, and dreamer. Her work includes the poetry collection, Awakening Perception (2006), which chronicles her journey from hell to happiness, and Be Happy Now: Simple Steps for Enjoying Life (2012), which explains practical techniques for creating a happier life. Laura is a happy free spirit, despite the loss of her daughter, chronic health issues, and bipolar disorder. When she is not writing, you may find her discussing poetry in the park, counting butterflies in the backyard, or singing karaoke. Laura lives a life of joy and love with her husband and two dogs in Largo, FL. Visit http://behappynowbook.blogspot.com.
This article is an excerpt from the book Transform Your Life! Expert Advice, Practical Tools, and Personal Stories, written by 60 real-life heroes and experts and available at www.Transformation-Publishing.com, Amazon.com, BN.com, and all ebook formats.