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Being Loved Shouldn’t Hurt
Toxic Relationship Recovery Expert, helping professional women heal and thrive so they can create and attract healthy relationships.
Stephanie McPhail is a Toxic Relationship/Breakthrough Coach and the author of the book and workbook Being Loved Shouldn’t Hurt, which were number one new releases. She is on the CORE counsel of Experts for Avaiya University, is a certified coach, has a double master’s degree in Health and Education and a bachelor’s degree in Psychology. She also is a Certified Crisis Counselor, Certified Coach and Reiki Practitioner who specializes in coaching professional women to heal and thrive so they can create and attract healthy relationships.
What is your niche (coaching focus) and how did you choose it?
I am the Toxic Relationship Recovery Coach. I became interested in coaching other professional women to heal from toxic relationships after finally ending my own cycle of going from one bad relationship to another one. I have found that professional women are successful in their careers because of their ability to work hard, figure things out and never give up. The problem that arises when in an unhealthy relationship is that we tend to stay too long with someone hoping we can figure out the problem and lose ourselves in the process.
Who is your ideal client?
My ideal client is a professional woman between 35-55, who has felt herself go from one toxic relationship to another one and has finally realized that whatever she has done in the past has not been effective. She realizes she can’t figure it out in her own and is ready to take action on healing so she can stop wasting time and start living her best life now.
What inspired you to become a life coach?
Once I left my abusive marriage, I felt like the world was more beautiful than I had ever seen it before. I thought about how hard I fought to stay with a toxic partner and what I would have missed out on had I not left and done the hard work. I felt it my calling to spread the message of hope to others, reminding them they were here to share their gift, not suffer while wasting their time on someone that didn’t appreciate them for all that they were. I love watching our clients break free from the dark cloud and step into their power. It’s truly beautiful.
How long have you been coaching?
I have been coaching since 2017, but my business really took off in 2020.
How did you get your first client?
I got my first volunteer client so I could practice after I had already created my Facebook group and posted in it asking for anyone who would like free coaching in exchange for a testimonial. I was able to get a few clients under my belt, and then start to charge and grow from there.
How has your coaching journey changed your life?
When I started coaching, I was a full-time teacher at a low-income district. I loved working with the kids, but I knew I could make a greater impact on the world by sharing my story with a larger audience. I was able to leave my teaching position two years ago and move cross-country from NY to TX, and now I get to spend more time with my children, work side-by-side with my husband and change lives every day. It’s a daily reminder of how important it is to follow your calling. it’s not only best for you, but it’s best for those who also benefit from you living your best life.
What is the most challenging part of being a life coach?
For me the most challenging part was figuring out my marketing and messaging. It’s so important to get really, really clear and, since that was not my background, it took some testing and a lot of learning to understand how to really dial that in.
What is the most fulfilling part of being a life coach?
I cry tears of joy with each aha moment, each breakthrough and each life changed. Knowing that each person I work with will live a better life because of working with me fills my heart. I can’t imagine a better job than helping the world become better one person at a time.
What has been your most inspirational coaching moment, with a client?
There are have been so many amazing stories. A favorite story is a client in an abusive relationship who had been asked to go to their local bar down the street. She had been working hard on our modules and had done a lot of inner work at that point. She said yes, and when they got there he started to belittle her and try and make her feel bad. She looked at him, picked up her keys, walked right out and directly to a hotel and never went back. She now has her own place, a great job and an improved relationship with her adults kids and her friends.
After just three weeks, another client, who had been terribly abused for most of her life, was being asked by her grandchildren for extra hugs to get her positive energy, and they shared how happy they were that she wasn’t so angry all the time. She hadn’t even realized she was lashing out. She was loving her life in a way she never done before and was even going out to hug trees! Because she also started to go out in public again after years of staying secluded, she was able to reconnect with a friend a week before she passed away in a car accident. She would have never have had those experiences had she not done the work.
What is your favorite coaching activity or exercise to do with clients?
My favorite activity to do with clients is my deep dive session. I get to sit on an hour call and hear their life story while connecting the dots as to how they got to this place in their lives. Then I give them specific steps to take action on.
What has been the most effective strategy for finding clients and/or growing your business?
The most effective strategy has been growing my private facebook group, which has over 15,500 people, with very direct messaging and targeting to reach my market.
What advice would you give YOURSELF back when you first dreamed of becoming a coach?
Keep learning from your clients, keep refining your message and appreciate the process. Don’t compare your success to others, but keep in mind the life-changing results you will be sharing the more people you can help, so don’t give up!
What is the impact you want to make in this world?
I believe that if each person understood their strengths and that they were here for a very important purpose—and then actually took action on their calling—we would have a much happier world. My goal is to help as many women as I can step into their full potential and, in turn, help make the world a better place for our future generations.
Is there anything else you would like to share with Transformation Coaching Magazine readers?
Never forget, you are more powerful than you can imagine and stronger than you realize. You matter, your voice needs to be heard, and your gifts need to be shared.
By Terez Hartmann
LOVE is always in season
Ah, cupid is on the move and love is in the air, but no matter the reason or the season, ANY time is a great time to feel and express love! The coolest part of all? The more love you share, the more genuine happiness—and therefore ALLOWING of all-things-FABULOUS—ALL parties experience!
Have you noticed that when you are loving something, whether it be another human, animal, thing, or how you are engaging life in the moment, every light bulb in your body and mind turns on? Love (aka appreciation) is what many would say brings you in synch with the Divine, so it’s no wonder that appreciating anyone or anything benefits your body and mind in multidimensional ways.
When we are in a state of pure appreciation, we are able to look upon others and the world with new eyes. Then we can perceive the beauty, solutions, order and perfection that truly IS all around us—and be a true powerful, positive influence and catalyst for good. The votes are in! Love is where it’s at, and if it takes that little cherub guy with the arrow to draw our attention to it, so be it!
Everywhere a VALENTINE!
If your intention is to attract and allow a fabulous new valentine into your life, have more fun with the one you DO have, or to just feel better about life overall, start by finding love where it IS, rather than fixating upon where it isn’t. “Justifed” or not, every time you focus upon or discuss why another has “done you wrong” or go on at length about why it’s hard to find a good partner, the Law of Attraction can’t help but give you more of THAT. Yikes!
On the other hand, when you mine your life and consciously appreciate the LOVE that IS in your world, you get to feel amazing NOW, spread some seriously good mojo, and open the door to allow even more!
1. Make a list of all the people, animals and things (beaches, mountains, cars, etc.) that are easy to love.
2. Read and/or add to this list daily. Keep this list by your bed and read before sleep and upon waking to get some fabulous LOVE momentum flowing!
3. Put appreciation into action by:
* Sending at least one “VALENTINE” (aka card/note or message) appreciating someone you love daily
* Doing something special for your favorite human, animal friend, or even a stranger daily
* Going to a place or participating in an activity YOU love daily
4. Do this consistently for at least 30 days.
Why not use the “excuse” of Valentine’s Day to honor and appreciate ALL the ones you love?! No one said that Valentine’s Day HAD to be for couples alone, but even if “they” did, who cares anyway? You are free to honor whatever day in whatever way YOU choose! An added bonus: The more you allow yourself to love and appreciate others, the easier it becomes to appreciate your work, your life and even your SELF. Besides, how can you NOT love an awesome appreciator? I think YOU totally rock!
The Bottom Line on Allowing VALENTINE Success
When you really think about it, a valentine, shiny new car, acquiring a great gig or rockin’ a fit, strong body are nothing more than potential paths or reasons to allow yourself to feel better, and ideally LOVE. ANY time you choose to love/appreciate something, you are seeing the world through the eyes of your SOURCE, and when you don that kind of vantage point and feel that kind of connection, you are truly, in that moment, holding the brass ring, standing on the mountain top, grasping the trophy and lacking for nothing.
Feeling LOVE is the ultimate, alpha, omega, mac-daddy reward, so why wait for a Valentine—or anything else—to let yourself feel what you CAN feel today and NOW?
The Journey IS, indeed, the Destination, after all.
“I am the product of so much love
I know everything leads me to a better place
But this life is beautiful, so beautiful
When we remember to live in today.”
—From “Groovin’ on LIFE!” ©2010-12 TTRH
Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann is a Visionary Creative & top-rated instructor, Law of Attraction & Allowing YOUR Success specialist, published author, speaker, singer-songwriter, recording & performing artist & composer, “Catalyst for Fab-YOU-lous” and true Renaissance Woman who has already helped over 10,000 students in over 130 countries allow success and live life on FIRE. She is deeply passionate about helping other Powerful Creatives and Leading-Edge Thinkers live unique, empowered lives on their terms by cultivating the courage to dream, to express themselves boldly & authentically, and to focus Onward, Upward and Forward into new possibilities. http://www.terezfirewoman.com
Take time to contemplate the beliefs that ring true for you.
By Mary Boutieller
As I settle into this year, I want to shed ideas that no longer serve me and question attitudes and beliefs to see if they are still relevant. I also want to grow deeper in my understanding of all that life has to offer—and have some fun while I’m at it!
In keeping with that, I thought I’d share some beliefs that still ring true to me:
I believe that each morning we wake up is another opportunity to do something real, meaningful, or different. As long as we are drawing a breath, it’s not too late. All we have to do is take that first step.
I believe that there are way more good people doing good things in the world than the other way around. We just have to open our eyes to it.
I believe that hope is both a salve and a fierce form of rebellion against the naysayers who’d like us to think otherwise.
I believe that my attitude about anything changes everything. I can sink or swim based on how I view life’s events.
I believe that everyone has an amazing light within them. If you feel like your light is dimming, wipe away the fog and take another look.
I believe that people will sometimes do or say things that really hurt. Often it means that they are hurting or confused or stuck. Try your best not to take it personally.
I believe that perfect is the enemy of pretty darn good. Let go of all those heavily-laden expectations and live your life.
I believe that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, it just isn’t going to go your way. Be willing to change direction and look at the wider view. Failure is just a stepping stone, one that the brave must always take.
I believe that you have to trust yourself. If your inner voice has been nudging you, it may be time to listen. You also have to love yourself and forgive yourself. If not now, when?
I believe that fear is there for a reason. Take a look at it, feel it, ask it questions. Is it real or is it an old tape? If it’s real, honor it. If it’s not, throw it away. You just don’t need it anymore.
I believe that what you bring to the world is as unique as your fingerprint.
I believe that whether you are lending a hand, holding a hand, or reaching out for a hand, we all need each other. As the saying goes, “But for the grace of God go I.” Each time we open our hearts to another, the world becomes a better place.
I believe that everyone is my teacher. What I dislike in another is a mirror for me. The question is, “What is it reflecting?”
I believe that optimism is the fuel that gets us through the day. Knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that we will get through whatever it is we are going through, can be enough. If it isn’t, reach out, pick up the phone, write a letter, dance your fool head off, until you feel optimistic again.
I believe that “I love you”, “Thank you” and “I’m sorry” are the three most powerful phrases in the world. And maybe a fourth, “I see you.”
Finally, knowing that none of us “make it out alive”, I want to continue to learn, grow, laugh, cry and explore, as best I can, until I’m thoroughly used up and real—like the Velveteen Rabbit, knowing that I am loved.
Mary Boutieller is a Registered Yoga Teacher through Yoga Alliance. She has been teaching yoga since 2005. Her work experience includes 22 years as a firefighter/paramedic and 10 years as a Licensed Massage Therapist. Mary’s knowledge and experience give her a well-rounded understanding of anatomy, alignment, health and movement in the body. She is passionate about the benefits of yoga and the ability to heal at all levels through awareness, compassion, and a willingness to explore. She can be reached at: SimplyogaOm@gmail.com.
How to move on after a disagreement.
By Lisa Hawkins
We’ve all experienced having a disagreement with our partner, and it’s important to know that afterward there is a crucial point that determines if the situation will be resolved or just retreat into the background to emerge again in the future.
Often, if we’ve apologized and talked it out, there is affection and connection—and that reconnection is important. But there is also a tiny bit of space where we have the option to review the disagreement and make a commitment to work on things consciously to resolve the root problem. While snuggles, cuddles and affection are great, if the intentional action doesn’t also happen, then it will likely not register in the brain to make a shift.
Part of being in a conscious relationship is making sure that each partner is on the same page moving forward, and, if not, there is a commitment to discuss it more.
Hurrying up to get affectionate or to get away from the discomfort isn’t necessarily productive. Next time you are in this mode, watch to see if the desire to kiss and make up is an attempt to circumvent the difficult part of the process and get back to the comfortable stuff.
It takes time to get in the habit of finishing the disagreement with mindfulness practice. Maybe that might be saying, “Let’s check in with each other in a few days to see how we both are feeling.”
Saying, “I’m sorry and I won’t do it again” sounds great, but it’s usually not enough. There must be a conscious practice to notice if you are avoiding discomfort and then to catch yourself. That’s because apologies are only meaningful if they are authentic and come with a humble desire to really understand and make shifts until issues are resolved.
Taking the proper amount of time to really resolve a core issue is important. If that doesn’t happen, and the problem shows up again, understand that possibly you didn’t do a thorough enough investigation, and it might be helpful to repeat the process again.
Our brain is wired to avoid conflict and pain; it seeks homeostasis and sometimes that desire to get back to comfort can actually sabotage our relationships.
The majority of my clients are men. I’ve often heard from them that “I’ve talked enough” and “It needs to be put to rest.” They become upset that their partner won’t let it go. Women might do this, too. Remember—whatever the issues—it needs to be discussed and resolved without a timer.
Walking out of the room or leaving because you’ve heard enough can feel dismissive to your partner. Try to let the person know you will come back once you cool down. However, you have to come back in a timely manner for this to work. Often, it’s easier to not want to face it again, so we just go on about our daily life.
After you have come to a resolution, then talk a bit before the makeup sex (or after, if that works for you) to really nail down intentions. Make sure you are both on the same page, that there is a plan.
I know it doesn’t sound romantic! You might think it kind of “kills the moment” but, if you get used to it, it can turn into a turn-on. You might find that resolution is hot! Certainly, you will eventually find your comfort zone.
I interviewed many people to find out what their best tips were for moving on from a disagreement, and I heard a multitude of answers. Some use prayer or meditation after the disagreement. Some had makeup sex. Others cooked together. There were a few that made a conscious commitment to do things differently going forward.
Everyone has their preferences on how to reconnect after a disagreement and—if it works for you—then that’s wonderful! Do it. But, if you find that days later you are feeling an issue wasn’t completely resolved, discuss this uneasy feeling with your partner. Often, if not resolved it will eventually show up again. Work in some time for re-discussion to consciously plan on how to avoid it in the future. Eye contact is a great way to do this.
For example: “I’ll pause next time, take a deep breath and allow you to finish your sentences. If I don’t, I would like you to remind me of our agreement so that I can continue to practice.”
It might sound silly, but you can have a hand gesture or a secret word to use so that your partner knows when they are overpowering the conversation or going back to default mode. That small amount of effort—if used wholeheartedly—can shift your relationship quickly.
There is a misunderstanding that disagreements are hard. This is why we subconsciously avoid them. When we take steps to make the process easier, we’ll find that we begin to stop avoiding them as much. Our relationship starts to flow. It builds confidence between partners and deepens the relationship. Trust is cultivated.
Lisa Hawkins is a coach with 26 years of experience in personal growth and development, psychology and human behavior with an emphasis on relationships, which includes the most important one, with yourself. She helps those who want to have a more fulfilling relationship and life. When one works on one aspect of life that is holding them back, it trickles down to other areas of life. Love is the one thing we all crave at a deep level: We crave our true nature, our self-love, and to express that love to others. Lisa works with men and women to awaken the conscious part of themselves that knows how to love deeply. Find our more at http://www.ConsciouslyAwakeCounseling.com or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ConsciouslyAwakeCoun/
By Arielle Giordano
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”—Buddha
In 1956, psychologist and social philosopher Erich Fromm proposed that loving oneself is different from being arrogant, conceited or egocentric. Loving oneself means caring about oneself, taking responsibility for oneself, respecting oneself, and knowing oneself (e.g., being realistic and honest about one’s strengths and weaknesses).
How we feel about ourselves influences our relationships with lovers, friends, acquaintances, coworkers and family. People with healthy self-esteem have better friendships and relationships. They are open to asking and seeking help when they need it, and they have the ability to be loved and give love to others.
Dictionary.com defines self-love as: An instinct by which one’s actions are directed to the promotion of one’s own welfare or well-being.
Here are some tips on practicing self-love this month:
Awareness: Be aware and connect to a deeper beingness of what is real within, the inner and greater essence of you
Acceptance: Love and accept the way you are. Know you are okay exactly the way you are.
Honesty: Be profoundly honest. Have the courage to know, see and face your inner obstacles, fears, resistance, positive and negative traits, and notable qualities.
Healing Your Heart: Dealing with old hurts and wounds and abandonment issues can be painful. Most people have experienced a sense of abandonment either from childhood or previous relationships. Being stuck in resentments, harms, scars and dark places keeps you anchored in past pain. You can deal with and heal these wounds alone or with the help of others.
Letting Go of the Past: Be conscious of your thoughts, feelings, reactions, responses and patterns. Avoid attracting the same negative person or situation into your life. Be mindful of the lessons learned from past experiences. Discover the golden nugget of wisdom and integrate the lesson to move forward in your life.
Dance and be LOVE: Surround yourself with people who love and support you. Enjoy spending quality time loving you and others.
Intimacy of Being: Be love, for that is what you truly are at your core. Be the love that you want to receive. Become the person you want to love. Be the person you want to find in a relationship.
Transformational Life Coach Award-Winning Author & Speaker, Professional Dancer. Arielle’s Award-Winning book for Best Self-Help Award: Dancing With Your Story From The Inside is available on http://www.Amazon.com. Her professional career includes the Lead Faculty Area Chairperson and Professor for the College of Humanities, History and the Arts at the University of Phoenix. She is a published co-author of Transform Your Life Books 1 & 2 and author for Tampa Bay Wellness, Conscious Shift & Transformation magazine. She has published her 4th book, an Instructor’s Manual for Barlow Abnormal Psychology 4th ed. and authored Psychology, A Journey 3rd.ed. Study Guide published by Nelson Education, Toronto, ON. She has also studied philosophy at the College of Integrated Philosophy with John DeRuiter for twenty years. Arielle has been a featured guest on radio and television, in newspapers, and the media across the US and Canada. She is a certified Essentrics Stretch and Dance Instructor. Arielle offers coaching sessions, classes and workshops and a free 30-minute Consultation. Arielle’s new book Dancing with Your Story from the Inside Out is now available on http://www.Amazon.com. Websites: http://www.dancingfromtheinsideout.com, http://www.ariellegiordano.com. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
By Darrel L. Hammon
People make life way too challenging,
too overwhelming, too large for one
to even comprehend any of it.
Or maybe it’s the Internet,
the magazines, the photoshoots,
the blogs, the incessant whining of commentators
of day-time cable or news channels and podcasts
that shout out the horrendous stories and news
that have ostensibly happened to this person
or that person or Instagram posts
that seem so glamorous and far-fetched simultaneously.
Photoshop has added this and that,
a pinch of more highlights and rosy skin,
thinned out some bumps and excess
of whatever might be deemed as excessive,
even added a tone or two, made gray
and wrinkles disappear at a mere click
of the index finger or even the thumb,
created an image or smoothness
that truly doesn’t reflect anything
or anyone in real life but creating
a fictitious image of what could be if….
So many apps surreptitiously meld
the lines of reality and fiction,
fake and truth to the point of what is really real?
Whatever happened to the simplicity of life
without all of the distractions, distortions, and disturbances?
Have we come as far as to dim the truth
by telling a tall tale, fashioning a hyperbole
or even hyping nothing but air and nonsense
to capture more “likes” than anyone else?
Perhaps, we should bag the many lenses
of extravagance to a single lens of reality
and a sense of wholeness and goodness,
not caked with the layers of density and excess.
Perhaps, the simplicity of life is exactly that:
simplicity of doing and seeing,
no tiers of who’s who or what’s what
but mere deposits of good-old fashion
of what is still real and true and moral.
Darrel L. Hammon has been dabbling in writing in a variety of genres since his college days, having published poetry, academic and personal articles/essays, a book titled Completing Graduate School Long Distance (Sage Publications), and a picture book, The Adventures of Bob the Bullfrog: Christmas Beneath a Frozen Lake (Outskirts Press). He also was the editor of the Journal of Adult Education (Mountain Plains Adult Education Association). Most of his essay/article writing has focused on topics about growing up, leadership, self-awareness, motivation, marriage/dating, and educational topics. Some of these articles/essays are in Spanish because Darrel is bilingual in Spanish/English, having lived in Chile, Dominican Republic, and southern California, and having worked with Latino youth and families all of his professional life in higher education. He has two blogs, one for personal writing at http://www.darrelhammon.blogspot.com/ and one for his consulting/life coaching business (http://www.hammonconsults.blogspot.com/). You can listen to a poem titled “Sprucing Up” here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihTmuOUIAEI.
By Linda Commito
The power of friends & community.
Friendships have always meant a lot to me. Sometimes life circumstances don’t allow for the level of closeness that was once readily available, but I do appreciate each and every one and how they have touched my life. I even marvel at the fact that I have friends I have known since I was 7 or 8 years old and still get to see a couple of times a year.
But what I have also come to experience and value, especially as life has taken me to new places to call HOME, is a sense of COMMUNITY and how comforting that can be to all who participate.
Trends indicate that we are reclaiming a deeper appreciation for old-time values that have been missing for decades, accompanied by feelings of contentment and well-being that come from being a part of a community.
We are creating and living in community in ways that are redefining who we are and what is important to us.
We are discovering that we are the ones who will make a difference, we are the ones who will create a better world, we are the ones who may be taking care of each other.
Linda Commito, author, speaker, entrepreneur, consultant and teacher, is passionate about her vision to leave this world a kinder, more loving, and interconnected place. Linda’s award-winning book of inspirational stories, Love Is the New Currency, demonstrates how we can each make an extraordinary difference in the lives of others through simple acts of love and kindness. Her latest project, the card game Just Ask 1 2 3, was inspired by a desire to connect people of all different ages, beliefs and lifestyles to share our individuality and find commonality. Linda also created “Kindness Starts with Me,” a program, book and website for children. For more information visit http://www.LoveistheNewCurrency.com or visit the Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/Justask123game.
Practicing forgiveness, along with compassion and love, will fortify your positivity and inner peace.
By Emil Nazaryan
It’s a glorious morning! You wake up to singing birds, a ray of sunshine resting on your face. You treat yourself to a warm cup of delicious coffee and recite your favorite happy song in your head. You feel positive and happy. You are ready to conquer the world. It feels like nothing can bring you down. Life is amazing!
When you get to work, the first thing out of your coworker’s mouth goes something like this: “Did you see on the news that five people were shot dead last night?” The next coworker remarks: “Gas prices have gone up by a dollar! This is just outrageous!” The third one storms in and complains about how horrible the traffic was that morning. The fourth one reminds you that it’s Monday, and that you have to go through the entire week just to get to Friday. Suddenly, you spill your coffee on your brand new shirt. To top it all off, your boss yells at you for not completing your project on time.
By this time you have completely forgotten about the beautiful morning. The smile that was hovering on your face is gone. The happy song in your head is replaced by thoughts of anger, frustration and worry. You can’t wait to go back to sleep tonight in hopes of a better tomorrow.
Does this scenario sound familiar? In a nutshell, it’s a case of your environment dragging you down into negativity. The environment can be your family members, your friends, coworkers and even people in public places.
A thought is starting to arise in your mind. “I see where you are going with this, but there is nothing I can do to change my environment and people.” In a sense, you are right! You can’t change them. However, you can change yourself. And when you change, your surroundings can’t help but conform to your new attitude. It can be done. It’s done every day. How do I know this? You guessed it! From personal transformation.
“Yes, but…” you may say “I often feel positive, but when I do others shut me down.” What’s your reaction to that? What is it exactly that brings you down? Becoming defensive? Angry? Feeling resentment towards that person for dragging you down from your high? Blaming them for ruining your day?
Now pay close attention here because this may be life changing: The reason you feel negatively affected by other people is because you are not aware of your secret weapon yet, the most powerful one indeed. This power is a gift given to you by God, and it’s within you, within all of us. It stays dormant deep inside until it is discovered and used. The name for this transformative weapon is FORGIVENESS coupled with compassion and love. When you forgive, others lose all power over you! Read the preceding sentence again, contemplate it, feel it. Put all reason aside and intuitively comprehend the full might behind those words. Now marvel about the implications!
With this understanding, you can take additional actions to fortify your positivity and inner peace. Intentionally plan your day to stay under positive influences. Place mottos and affirmations in your physical environment. Set calendar reminders on your phone throughout the entire day to deliver empowering messages to yourself. Get associated with more positive people. Listen to podcasts, motivational seminars and inspiring audiobooks while you drive or perform mechanical tasks. Keep on keeping on day in and day out.
A question invariably arises. “But what if my family members or close people are the ones that are negative? I’m not going to get rid of them, am I?” It’s a tough question, and it has merit. How can this be overcome?
When you change and become more positive, you may notice initial distancing arising between you and your circle with a negative attitude. They start feeling that you’re not their tribe any more. Don’t worry. This is a natural part of the growth process. Keep using forgiveness and love for them as your defense. The people that truly love you and care about you will hang around. In fact, they may get so inspired by the changes in you that they will subtly change themselves. And the ones that fall off…just wish them well!
Congratulations! You have learned of your inborn power today, and I hope you start using it to transform your life and the lives of others. Do you see that you’re not quite the same person now as you were before reading this article? Next time you think it’s your environment keeping you down, remember my advice: Other people have been where you are now, and they have overcome the obstacles you are facing now. If it can be done by others, why can’t it be done by you?
Emil Nazaryan is a motivational writer and a contributor to the monthly Motivational Corner column of HR Realtor Magazine. He has undergone a spiritual transformation which has led the way to sharing the insights he has experienced with the others. He is well acquainted with all major spiritual traditions of the world, but it is the direct experience of the essence of these teachings that is responsible for the altered life outlook and the motivational articles that stem this. In his daily life Emil is a successful REALTOR and he resides in Norfolk, VA, with his wife and two children. Contact him by email at email@example.com.
By Jo Mooy
A man named Ricky met an evangelist in the 60s who touched his soul and turned his life around, and then he, in turn, touched my soul.
This is a kind of love story of three unrelated life threads that somehow merged in a most remarkable way. On an unmarked side street off a four-lane highway, tucked away in a decrepit area that looks like it was bombed out, sits an auto body repair shop. A huge white rooster loudly assaults customers who dare to cross the uneven, broken-down driveway, enroute to the corner of the garage that passes for an office. But when my mechanic tells me that shop will get the love bug damaged paint on my car fixed at a reasonable cost, I go.
As I tried to dodge the rooster, a man who looked to be in his mid-sixties limped out of the “office” and shooed it away. He could barely walk, but the obvious pain that was hobbling his gait was camouflaged by a bright wide smile and a charming hello. “I’m Ricky,” he said. I explained how the love bugs had embedded themselves into the car hood and my feeble attempt at cleaning them off had resulted in more damage to the paint. He assessed the damage, called his cousin from the back of the small garage to take the car and said I should wait as it wouldn’t take long to buff it out.
He invited me into the office to sit with him a while, as he too needed to rest his body. The interior was cluttered and full of car photos and trophies, some with Ricky and famous people. Vintage Matchbox cars, prized by collectors, had a special display shelf. Piles of old car magazines were cleared from the chairs and added to even higher piles on the floor. He shoved two old coffee makers that were waiting to be fixed out of the way.
Then something miraculous happened. For the next 90 minutes, all the physical clutter in the office disappeared as Ricky wove his life story for me. He came from a poor family in South America where he was destined to have a limited future. Yet he had a great desire to come to America because of all the opportunities he saw on TV, though he didn’t know how that would ever happen.
Then, one day in the 60s, he was watching an American evangelist named Robert Schuller on the single “neighborhood TV.” He was captivated by everything Schuller said about making your dreams come true and living a life filled with possibilities. After the show, he went to the library to find all of Schuller’s books that had been translated into Spanish. With tears in his eyes he told me, “Those books became my guide, my friends, and they changed my life.”
He read all the books in Spanish but knew, if he was going to come to America, he had to learn English and to speak it well. He spent two years doing that, though his friends made fun of him and told him it would never happen. Schuller also taught him that a person needed a good skill to make a living and that he must give back to his community. Ricky was already good at repairing cars, but he worked diligently and spent another few years becoming an expert. Then he applied for a visa at a time when they were only given to the wealthy. Despite being turned down many times, he finally got one that was given out because of his car repair skills. “Mr. Schuller’s books got me that visa,” he told me.
Throughout our conversation, he quoted a verse from one of the books and explained how the power of thoughts or being one with prayers to God or believing all things were possible allowed him to overcome many adversities. He shared that he had a deep trust and believed totally in the power of the possibilities of his dream. He knew that if he stayed focused on his dream, putting in the effort and doing the work he needed to do, the dream would come true. It did.
Today, because of an evangelist, Ricky owns his own business in America. He reminded me that he did not do this alone. Mr. Schuller helped him and taught him to give back, which he does by teaching members of his community how to repair cars. They need a skill, too, he told me. In the process of running his business, Ricky saved enough money to send his only daughter to the University of South Florida where she recently graduated with honors. He proudly showed me a photo of his daughter and said as a little girl she always cared about nature and taking good care of the earth. He taught her about Schuller and to dream, too. Today she’s a climate activist with a state job working in environmental protection.
This isn’t the end of Ricky’s story. He continues to learn by taking online classes. He reads and writes poetry. He quotes Shakespeare with ease. He sings Leonard Cohen songs on his guitar, and he keeps believing in life and new dreams. When I asked him about his pain he said it was rheumatoid arthritis but assured me he was ok. “My pain is nothing and not more than I can manage. God has given me a wonderful life. He sent me Robert Schuller, who taught me how to make dreams come true. I learned a skill. I came to America. I opened my own business. I married a wonderful woman and have a beloved daughter. I can read and learn and sing. What pain?” he asked me with a huge grin.
All the threads of his connections and mine were suddenly displayed with clarity in my mind’s eye. The love bugs I encountered on a road trip were just little irritants to take me to a shabby side street where I met an astonishing spiritual maestro.
A man named Ricky met an evangelist in the 60s who touched his soul and turned his life around. Ricky, in turn, touched my soul with his grace, kindness and his extraordinary love of life which is now entwined in my life story.
Jo Mooy has studied with many spiritual traditions over the past 40 years. The wide diversity of this training allows her to develop spiritual seminars and retreats that explore inspirational concepts, give purpose and guidance to students, and present esoteric teachings in an understandable manner. Along with Patricia Cockerill, she has guided the Women’s Meditation Circle since January 2006 where it has been honored for five years in a row as the “Favorite Meditation” group in Sarasota, FL, by Natural Awakenings Magazine. Teaching and using Sound as a retreat healing practice, Jo was certified as a Sound Healer through Jonathan Goldman’s Sound Healing Association. She writes and publishes a monthly internationally distributed e-newsletter called Spiritual Connections and is a staff writer for Spirit of Maat magazine in Sedona. For more information go to http://www.starsoundings.com or email firstname.lastname@example.org.