Suffering Starts With “J”

By Gregg Sanderson

You can argue over which way to mount the toilet paper or remember that feeling good feels better than feeling bad.

So far, in past articles we’ve shown how the only cause of suffering is needy BS (Belief Systems). The way out is to change it to better BS. From “Not OK” to “OK.”

Easier said than done? Not really. It’s easy to do, once you get through the obstacle course. You’re loaded with limiting BS to overcome to get anywhere close to Unconditional Love.

Now that you know a happy life is just a matter of changing your BS to “It’s OK,” how come you haven’t done it yet? You haven’t recognized the effects of the “Three ‘J’s” — Justassoonas, Justification and Judgment.

Put them all together and they spell “Jerk” (a little poetic license here), which is what you become if you think they’ll make you happy. Me, too.


I’ll be happy justassoonas…

…I graduate

…I move out

…I have a girl friend (boy friend)

…I get my degree

…I get a good job

…I get a promotion

…I get married

…I have kids

…I make more money

…the kids move out

…I can dump this loser

…I get married again

…I retire

…I get to Heaven

…I reincarnate into a better life.

The big problem with the justassoonases is they always change, so what happens? You graduate and still aren’t happy, so you get a job and still aren’t happy…and on and on.

Ken Keyes says, “If you can’t be happy here and now, what makes you think you’ll be happy ten minutes from now. Or ten years from now?”

The only happiness is NOW. As long as you can change the unconscious BS that makes you feel bad, it’s always within your immediate grasp.


“I have a right to be miserable because.…”

“…I had an unhappy childhood.”

“…Mommy didn’t love me.”

“…I could never please my father.”

“…I didn’t have a father.”

“…I don’t get no satisfaction.”

“…I was bullied.”

“…I have a lousy job.”

“…I didn’t get promoted.”

“…It’s a bad economy.”

“…My ancestors were slaves.”

“…My ancestors owned slaves.”

“…I’m gay.”

“…I’m straight.”

“…I’m poor.”

“…I was pampered.”

“…I’m not good looking.”

“…I’m a sinner.”

“…I’m unlucky”

“…I have ADHD”

“…I had poor toilet training.”

“…All I think about is sex.”

“…All you think about is sex.”

“…God hates me.”

“…You left me.”

“…I’m not perfect.”

“…You’re not perfect.”

“…My kids aren’t perfect.”

“…The government isn’t perfect.”

“…Nobody’s perfect.”

“…Life sucks.”

No doubt some of those justifications produced a chuckle. I’ll bet one or more reminded you of somebody you know. Chances are somebody was also chuckling and thinking of you. Remember, the BS is UNconscious.


Justassoonaz points to the future. Justification draws from the past and present. Judgment is here and now.

It’s the heart of most BS and if your goal is Unconditional Love, judgment must go. This is most difficult because it’s held in such high esteem.

You make your conscious judgments, every day in everything you do. They feel natural and innocuous. You judge everything somebody feels, thinks, says and does.

When you judge with your emotions, you have to prove your position is the right one, and also that any other is wrong. Furthermore, you judge the person as well as the thought. For example:

“My way is right. Yours is wrong.”

“My religion is true. Yours is false.”

“My political party is good. Yours is evil.”

“My opinion is good. You’re uninformed.”

“My music is good. Yours is noise.”

“My laundry detergent is good. Yours is bad.”

“My grammar is correct. You’re uneducated.”

“My lifestyle is fulfilling. Yours is stupid.”

“My kid is an angel. Yours is a devil.”

“My manners are correct. Yours are Neanderthal.”

“My diet is healthy. Yours is pathetic.”

You get the idea. There’s a simple way to identify the judgment based on emotional BS. You are into judging if, when you encounter an opposing view, you feel irritation, anger or fear.

If you judge yourself, you can add guilt and worry to the mix. If any of those feelings show themselves to you, you can be sure it’s because of your BS.

Let’s look at one item that causes conflict in many relationships—the tissue issue.

You know for sure that the right way to mount the toilet paper is so it comes over the top rather than out from under. You partner believes otherwise. After a minor skirmish, you assert your authority and mount it “the right way”—over the top.

Then you get a cat that likes to play in the bathroom. It only takes one episode and you mount the paper the other way. When you change your BS, you realize it still performs its function just fine. You learn that its presence is more important than its presentation.

Remember, we’ve defined Unconditional Love as the emotional acceptance of what is. If “what is” doesn’t fit your BS that says how it should be, you’re into judgment. You seek out the company of “like minded” people.

Of course, you don’t have a society of “over the top” TP mounters, because nobody cares that much. How about religion? You have the sprinklers vs. the dunkers, among many others. Or politics, where you’re informed, they’re uninformed, and rare the twains shall meet.

Unconditional Love sees beyond the self-righteous BS. You don’t have to make other people wrong to feel good about yourself.

Except for those who spell “judgment” j-u-d-g-E-m-e-n-t.

Gregg Sanderson is author of Spirit With A Smile, The World According To BOB. He is a licensed practitioner in the Centers for Spiritual Living, and a Certified Trainer for Infinite Possibilities. His earlier books were, What Ever Happened To Happily Ever After? and Split Happens—Easing The Pain Of Divorce. His latest project is the New Thought Global Network, where subscribers can enjoy the best in New Thought presentations from any where at any time. You can see it at

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