Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.—Viktor E. Frankl
That Space is your BS1—Your NEED.
A paradigm is the BS through which you view, feel and act in life. We all go through life subject to our personal paradigms. Some are supportive and propel you to happiness. Others less so and hold you back.
Your BS claims all the bad feelings are caused by outside circumstances beyond your control. You must learn to live with them, work through them, control them or avoid them. In other words, the old paradigm is Stimulus > Response.
To get a different response, you try to change or remove the stimulus. If you get upset when I do that, you must get me to stop doing that. Not always an easy thing to do. Thus, we have a society of victims.
Here’s the paradigm shift. Change your BS (remove the bell clapper2.) Then you won’t get upset when I do that, and you won’t get bent out of shape trying to make me stop doing that. Much easier.
Stimulus > BS > Response. All the bad feelings are the results of BS. The needs aren’t part of you; they’re programs in your emotional computer.
You can “upgrade” them and break the emotional attachment. The result is happiness and peace of mind. The new paradigm is stimulus triggers “BS programming,” which creates response.
Physical pain tells you something in your body is out of harmony with its natural state of health. It’s time to get the healing to restore health.
Emotional pain tells you something in your BS is out of harmony with your natural peaceful state. Upgrade the BS to restore peace of mind.
1 BS = Belief System. Did you think it was something else? Well, maybe.
2 See last month’s column about the analogy of Quasimodo
As a computer would run any program that’s loaded into it, you can load a more positive program into that great computer between your ears.
Then you feel better and everything works better. When you change the program to remove the bell clapper of need you don’t get tintinnabulation; you get peace no matter who pulls the rope.
Get this: THE ONLY THING THAT CAUSES UNHAPPINESS IS NEED (BS). That’s a tough pill to swallow, and it will take most of this book to fill in the details. You’ll soon see how your needs keep you stuck in justified misery and how easy it is to get out of it.
Think about what happens when you need money. What are the results from a need for money?
• You fear losing what you have.
• You envy those who have more than you do.
• You see others as either threats to or potential suppliers of your need.
• You alienate the people closest to you.
• You occupy your mind worrying and scheming to get more.
• You squander what you have.
• Seeing others with more lowers your self-esteem.
• You are never at peace when the subject comes up.
• Always needing more keeps you from enjoying what you have.
• You do destructive things to get more.
What if you don’t need money? Suppose you hit the lottery. That changes a lot, doesn’t it?
• You don’t have to manipulate or control, because you have enough.
• You’re not afraid of losing. You’ve already won.
• It doesn’t matter how much somebody else has. You have plenty.
• You can enjoy people without thinking about what you can get from them.
• You’re closer to your loved ones because you don’t compete any more.
• Your mind is free to enjoy what’s happening.
• You make better choices.
• Your self-esteem isn’t affected, because it’s OK if somebody else has it, too.
• You’re always at peace, because you have enough—and you can enjoy it.
• You’re more likely to act in your own best interests, since you have enough.
Does that sound reasonable? Of course it does. All you have to do is upgrade the BS of lack with BS of enough.
I once went to a recruiting meeting for a multilevel marketing company. One of the women claimed that she got her pleasure from helping other people get rich.
Not so. She got her pleasure from her recruiting commission. Her need was so obvious, few in the room believed her. The energy of her BS repelled exactly what she was after. Another consequence of unsatisfied need.
Think of the last time a pushy salesperson tried to “help” you. Were you more or less inclined to buy what they were selling?
Of course you’ll still do what it takes to get money. Maybe you didn’t win the lottery, but if you feel like you did, the second bullet list will hold true.
If you don’t believe me, try this:
Re-read those lists above, only instead of money, think of sex. Imagine acting out of a need for sex and then from a position of satisfaction. Every single line still holds true.
Try those lists with a few more needs. Can you think of a need of yours that caused a breakup? I’ll bet you can think of one (or more) of your ex’s.
Think about a need for attention, approval or agreement. Same thing. Everything on both lists still applies.
NEED is an acronym. It stands for Never Ending Expectations & Demands. It doesn’t only make you feel bad. It has its effect on the rest of your world, too.
Next month we’ll show you how BS controls your life, and what you can do about it.
Gregg Sanderson is author of Spirit With A Smile, The World According To BOB. He is a licensed practitioner in the Centers for Spiritual Living, and a Certified Trainer for Infinite Possibilities. His earlier books were, What Ever Happened To Happily Ever After? and Split Happens—Easing The Pain Of Divorce. His latest project is the New Thought Global Network, where subscribers can enjoy the best in New Thought presentations from any where at any time. You can see it at www.newthoughtglobal.org.