Love Beyond Conditions

by Rev. Marla Sanderson

The evolution of all spiritual life includes three absolutes:

1. You will love.

2. You will be loved.

3. The former will eventually be far more important to you than the latter.

—Mike Dooley, Notes From the Universe

Love is our basic nature, and we get to express it or suffer.

What you put out comes back to you. When you stop expressing Love, you stop feeling it, and it usually seems like the people around you aren’t giving it.

Like everything else in life, you get to decide how it will be because you are the cause. Think about it. When you express anger toward someone, do you get Love back? When you withhold acceptance in favor of judgment, do you feel closer to the person you’re judging? What about hatred? Jealousy? Do any of these feelings bring Love or happiness?

Emotions are contagious. When you see these negative behaviors in another person, doesn’t it bring out feelings you’d rather not have? We’ve all heard the story about the guy who gets reprimanded by his boss. Still angry when he gets home, he yells at his wife, who takes it out on the son who has no one to pass it on to so he kicks the cat.

Love without conditions means loving no matter what, even when the situation doesn’t seem to call for it. When you block the flow of Love you suffer—emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

Love doesn’t need justification. You love for your own sake. You love because it feels good. You love because it makes your relationships more pleasant. And it helps you to do the higher thing—the better thing—and often the smarter thing.

Love vs. Programming

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”—Rumi

As we go through life, we get “programmed” to expect and demand all kinds of things that get in the way of our natural expression of Love. Like a kink in a garden hose, the Love force backs up and it can’t express if our programming is in the way. So rather than defend it, we want to release it and let the Love flow again.

Programming says things like:

You (others) need to be _____(fill in the blank) for me to be happy.

It needs to be _____ (fill in the blank) for me to be happy.

I need to be ______ (fill in the blank) for me to be happy.

Your unconscious programming says you must be in control all the time. It tells you that you need respect, admiration, and appreciation. In other words, you need to be important. More than anything, though, your programming tells you that you must be right all the time, and with this script running we hate to admit the problem is in us.

As we try to gain happiness by having our needs met, we get further from the true experience of Love. That’s a pretty tough order to fill.

The willingness to let go of what’s causing the hurt, anger, fear, and all the rest is ALWAYS the first step. While this may not sound like much, you must be painfully willing to surrender the programming that’s causing the pain.

Do you want to be happy? Loving? Then you must first be willing to surrender your programming and say “yes” to Love.

Here’s what I do.

Release the emotion—the hurt, the fear, and anger. Let go of the tears and make room for Love to come through. But don’t stop there. You need to give yourself a new program—one that’s accepting rather than resisting what’s happening.

Tell yourself something positive—but be sure to make it an affirmation of letting go of that thing you think you need. Something like “It’s OK if I don’t get ____” or “I’m OK even if I don’t ____.” Or try “I love myself even if ____.” Don’t be afraid to say or shout it real loud to yourself.

For best results, keep repeating it and don’t stop until you feel release. When you do, you will also find peace. You will have a new attitude about the whole situation. Allow it. Enjoy it.

Being in a state of Love will become a habit.


Rev. Marla Sanderson has been a student of spiritual practice for more than 35 years. She began as Assistant Director of The Next Step, a psychic and spiritual community in a New Mexico ghost town. She’s been a workshop leader, teacher, practitioner, and minister of Living Love, and the Science of Mind. She recently founded the New Thought Global Network, a virtual “church” that offers inspiration anytime, from anywhere. The site showcases many powerful Science of Mind and New Thought speakers and writers, and intends to expand these teachings to the world. Check it out at

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