By Dr. ZZ
Question: My close friend has been widowed for a couple of years after a long marriage and seems to have no idea how to interact with men. When they are around, she becomes a blabbering loudmouth. Later she complains that she doesn’t understand why no one ever asks her out. I’m tempted to tell her that I think it’s her odd behavior, but I don’t want to appear insensitive or come across as a know-it-all. How wise is it for me to say something? I don’t want to drive a wedge between us.
Dr. ZZ: No good deed goes unpunished; so be careful what you say to your friend. Often people say, “I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong” just to hear themselves talk, not as an overture for advice. Unless she explicitly asks for pointers, your opinion is apt to come across as being judgmental. Chances are she’s not dense; trial and error will eventually show her what her problem is, if she has one. Keep in mind she may also meet a man who likes loud blabbermouths. Stranger things have happened. You just never know.
Question: My husband is an amateur daredevil who races motorcycles for the thrill of it. Now he wants to get a kid-size dirt bike for our seven-year old, and I’m totally against it. I worry that he’s trying to make our son into a miniature version of himself. I also think that a child of seven is too young to ride responsibly. No matter what I say, I can’t persuade him to drop the idea of buying a bike for our son. What’s your thought on the matter? Is there anything I might say or do to help drive the point home?
Dr. ZZ: Your husband obviously wants to share his passion with your son, and the risks are considerable. It’s not fair to put the child in a position where his safety may be compromised. In talking with your husband about this, do your best to calmly explain that you’re concerned not only about the physical dangers to your son but also about the psychological risks of allowing such a young boy to tackle this demanding sport at his tender age. If the boy doesn’t take to motorcycles, he will most likely feel frustrated; he may even end up resenting his father.
Suggest postponing the purchase until your son can make an informed decision on his own. Meanwhile, perhaps you and your husband can come up with other ideas and activities that will make his time with the child special. If your husband insists on going forward and getting the bike, then your work is cut out for you: make sure that no one rides without a helmet, and that your child wears a padded jacket for additional protection. Whatever you hold as your highest conceptualization of God, pray.
Question: Last night I had a dream I made love with my friend’s husband. Is it wrong? Should I tell my husband about the dream?
Dr. ZZ: In the world of dream analysis, there are as many different ways to interpret dreams as there are people who interpret them. Put simply, dreams happen. They have little if anything to do with the conscious mind and with judgments of “right,” “wrong” and “should.”
In most schools of thought, all symbols and persons in the dream represent aspects and sub-personalities of the dreamer. Thus, making love with your friend’s husband in a dream represents nothing more than making love with a sub-part of yourself, most likely an aspect of your own inner Masculine. It does not mean that you want to make love with your friend’s husband in reality. Instead, it may suggest an area of adult play in which an underlying, more assertive aspect of you wants to blend, blossom and come forward more openly. In this respect, you could just as easily have been dreaming about making love with a movie star or with an imaginary person. Rather than the content of the dream, per se, the feeling you were having while you were having the dream generally holds the major focus in terms of dream analysis. Were you feeling lust? Excitement? Angst? Guilt? Pleasure? Your feeling both in the dream and upon waking are the most important cues.
Should you tell your husband? There are no “shoulds.” You have to make your own choices. Many husbands and wives have relationships in which they share their dreams with each other and playfully explore the potential underlying meaning of the symbols and feelings. This approach, if the two of you care to take it, can also serve the purpose of furthering unconditional love between you. Such an approach depends on an appreciation that dream symbolism is not directly related to the waking state and on a willingness not to take the other person’s dreams personally. If you do not yet have that kind of a relationship with your husband, exploring dreams this way may be a potential direction in which you would care to head. Sharing dreams for this purpose may even be one of the underlying suggestions of the dream you had.
Once again, however, you have to be the judge of that. All dreams and dream symbolism are unique unto the dreamer. Journal your feelings about having the dream, and what it may have meant in terms of your own development.
Dr. ZZ’s bold, upfront, directive style plays an inspirational role in the lives of people she touches. Drawing on a non-traditional Ph.D. in counseling and natural healing, ZZ works with shaman elder Jack Alexander (“Golden Feather”), who offers land blessings, shamanic training, Life Purpose readings, and all-faith spiritual guidance. This forum proposes potential solutions on health, emotional, and personal matters.
Disclaimer: All information provided in this article is intended as general information only and is not to be misconstrued as medical or psychological advice or as diagnosis, treatment or cure for any condition or ailment. Send queries or comments to askDrZZ@yahoo.com and listen to her on www.ahstation.com/drzz. All published information is kept strictly confidential.