By Karen Castle
The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious…He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead.
—Albert Einstein
Something shifted for me in the new millennia and the year 2000. It was subtle at the time, but I would now call it my spiritual quest. It seems strange even to call it that. I didn’t know what I was searching for, but I knew that I felt a deep inner stir. I obviously already had a spiritual thirst. I went to church every week, sometimes everyday, but what I was searching for was beyond this religious environment. I remember being in church and having some confusion with guilty feelings. I often left feeling full of fear instead of being filled with God’s presence.
I trusted my inner guidance to lead me to what I was searching for, although I had no clue what I would find. In the fall of 2003, I took a trip to Richmond, VA and experienced a powerful workshop that gave me insight toward what I was seeking. I will never forget that weekend. It was November, late autumn, and the leaves were falling from the trees. There was still a vast array of reds and yellows but the foliage had passed and winter was settling in.
I was there to meet my cousin for the weekend and to celebrate our birthdays. We decided it would be good to do some inner exploration together. I thought it would be good for me to learn more about myself. Little did I know at the time I had a lot to learn. I had been divorced a few years but never dealt with any of my emotions around splitting up with my ex-husband. It was like I stuffed them down inside my body. As time went by, I realized there were many other circumstances that I hadn’t worked through or dealt with. It seemed that it was the right time in my life to be taking a look at situations that caused me to become numb. It was the right time for me to do some inner healing.
The Gift of Holotropic Breathing
This workshop was held in an expanded hotel conference room and was packed with at least a hundred people. As the participants laid down their blankets and pillows, we began the preparation for Holotropic Breathing. When it was my turn to breathe, I got right into it. I was lying on my back and started the deep continuous breathing. The idea was to let go into a deep process, an altered state of consciousness or a deep meditation.
The first thing I experienced was an inner vision of rainbow-like colors. The colors were mostly blue and purple. Then something suddenly shifted, and I felt like I was some place underground. It felt damp. It was dark and cold as if I was deep beneath the earth. I have to admit, I was scared but I stayed with it because I was curious.
The next thing I sensed was a box near me. Someone spoke to me from the tomb-like box saying “Open the box.”
I thought, “What, I don’t think so.”
She said, “Don’t be afraid.”
I thought to myself, “Easy for you to say.”
Finally, I surrendered and I opened the box. As I did, this huge purple cloud seeped out of the opening and enveloped me. I was instantly relaxed and felt calm and supported. This feminine presence lifted me up. We swirled up and out of the darkness to be revealed in the light. We were above ground and floating in the air.
I said, “Who are you?”
I heard the voice say, “Aynanya.”
I thought, “Wow! That’s interesting; I will have to remember that.”
As the experience continued, she and I danced together in the sky, we were free and joyous. There was nothing holding us back.
When this energetic presence emerged from the box, like a puffy, purple hue, I felt as though I was participating in an awakening. It was as if this energy had been dormant for thousands of years and I helped lift the veil. This feeling was an amazing correlation of lifting the veil and breaking free.
The experience that day was so powerful that it transformed my life. It was no longer about that experience, it evolved into a much deeper meaning. This experience of a feminine presence was always on my mind. Yet it was a slow process for me to find out more about her. The experience stayed with me for a very long time and it continued to nag at me.
Meeting the Goddess
A year went by before I finally had a breakthrough. I met a woman who was a Native American wise woman. I told her about my experience and she knew who I was referring to. She printed some material for me to look up. This information spelled the name as Inanna. The flood gates opened! I found all kinds of information about a Goddess Inanna from 5,000 years ago simply by changing the spelling. I was delighted and intrigued. Right away I ordered two books that focused on Inanna’s story and myth.
Several months went by before I was able to fully grasp the content of these books. When I did, I was in awe. The synchronicity of the symbolism correlated to my life and I had uncountable “aha” moments. I resonated with Inanna’s story on many levels but mostly it empowered me to become the woman I am today.
The growth and transformation I have experienced since connecting with her story is insurmountable. This all happened because I was guided by my own inner wisdom to try something new. I faced my fears in the dark depths of my psyche and emerged free of constraints or blocks that hold me back. I have learned so much about myself through this deep connection with her legend that I am forever grateful.
Karen Castle is an author, teacher, and healer. To honor Inanna, she wrote the book titled Unveiling the Modern Goddess: Thru Symbolism, Chakras & Myth. Karen is an acupuncturist and has an Master’s Degree in Transpersonal Psychology. Her focus is on the mind, body, spirit approach to health and wholeness. She offers a coaching program to help people realize their greatest potential. For more information email info@karencastle.com or visit www.KarenCastle.com.