A NEW paradigm for creating happy, healthy, SUSTAINABLE relationships.
By Terez Hartmann
The Old Paradigm…
So many of us have heard a zillion so-called “experts” say, time and time again, that compromise is the “cornerstone” of all great relationships…
…Yet, as a human who has observed the dynamics of hundreds of couples from different generations, and one who has had more than her own share of difficult past relationship experiences, THIS is actually what I have seen play out when compromise is dominant in a relationship:
Scenario #1: If one party always compromises and does what the other wants, the relationship gets out of balance, one partner continues to feel like their needs are less important (or just don’t matter), and, viola, resentment ensues = bummer.
Scenario #2: If both parties never really get to live FULLY, go where they are called, or have to dim their light or expression, neither can be truly happy = resentment = bummer.
Scenario #3: If both parties take turns doing things they don’t really want to do to please their partner, it becomes more of a “tit-for-tat” business-energy-type system, (rather than a natural flow love-based system), resulting in making “deals” and “recordkeeping” that often places one party in a position to experience less = resentment = bummer.
Given these scenarios, it’s no wonder that even after being together for decades, so many couples end up ultimately parting ways. Why? In the long run, a life of compromising yourSELF, dreams, desires, freedom, and natural flow is simply NOT sustainable or beneficial for EITHER party, and resentment is, by far, one of the most destructive forces in a relationship.
The question is, what, then, is the ALTERNATIVE?
How can two individuals (or friends, family members, business partners, etc.) with unique thoughts, ideas, perspectives and intentions truly live happily-ever-after in this crazy world?
The answer is far simpler (and win-win) than most realize.
A New Paradigm: Do THIS instead!
In the very beginning stages of our relationship, my now-husband John and I learned a powerful lesson about compromise…
Though my honey was almost always up for a new adventure and very go-with-the-flow, I started to notice that there were times when he would seem to get frustrated with me for no apparent reason.
When I asked what was up, he later confessed that he really was not up for THAT particular experience at THAT moment (due to not feeling well/it just wasn’t his thing/he REALLY wanted to be home working on a project, etc.), so by “compromising” what he truly wanted to do to “go-along” with my program of the moment, NEITHER one of us got to truly enjoy the experience. Giant. Bummer.
BUT when he realized that I actually cared about what mattered to him, and that I only wanted him to say “yes” if it was conducive to his well-being, if he meant it, and if he would enjoy the experience, we were able to nip that in the bud STAT…
…And from that point forward, we decided that instead of participating in the old paradigm of “compromise” it was time to upgrade to a NEW paradigm:
BUILD BRIDGES and HARMONIZE:
= We only say “yes” when we mean “yes” and can be all-in
= When we want to do different things due to timing, energy level, or simply because said “thing” is simply NOT our jam, we, as grown-up people, opt to either:
1. Fly solo and do the thing at that moment
OR
2. Do the thing with family or friends
OR
3. Do something ELSE at that moment that we BOTH really DO enjoy, and then do the (other) thing solo or with family/friends
= No one feels slighted—BOTH feel VALUED and VALUABLE
= No one is asked to dim their light—BOTH get to follow what we are called to do and what feels best
= No one has to have a crappy experience—BOTH get to enjoy the journey
= We get the fun of sharing stories with each other and the joy of coming home to each other
= BOTH people get to live FULLY and authentically
= Happy couple that is operating from a place of TRUE LOVE for the benefit of BOTH
= Living happily ever AFTER and NOW
And the beautiful part about living this way? We have continued to enjoy a truly authentic, fun, healthy, happy, SUSTAINABLE relationship for over 23 years, and also encourage (and typically attract) this same flow with our friends, family and creative partners*!
= The ULTIMATE win-win!
The Bottom Line: No Compromise! Do THIS Instead
While emergencies and “life” will happen, which can cause any and all parties to sort through not-so-fun, challenging experiences, imagine a world where, as a rule, ALL get to love, work, express, and LIVE in the style, rhythm and flow that feeds their well-being and joy, allow their authenticity, strengths and natural gifts to shine, and feel truly free to get to embrace whatever is conducive to their personal evolution and expansion? You may not be able to change the entire world overnight, but…
When you build BRIDGES (not walls)
and HARMONIZE (instead of compromise)
You encourage happiness for ALL
And your love will only ever RISE!
Here’s to attracting and allowing healthy, happy, SUSTAINABLE relationships, being a beautiful example of LOVE in action (for the benefit of ALL), and to truly living Life on FIRE!
*BTW…Love the idea of helping yourself or others manifest, attract & allow Love, and Happy, Healthy, SUSTAINABLE Relationships? Visit: https://www.terezfirewoman.com/shop2.
Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann is a Visionary Creative & top-rated instructor, Law of Attraction & Allowing YOUR Success specialist, published author, speaker, singer-songwriter, recording & performing artist & composer, “Catalyst for Fab-YOU-lous” and true Renaissance Woman who has already helped over 10,000 students in over 130 countries allow success and live life on FIRE. She is deeply passionate about helping other Powerful Creatives and Leading-Edge Thinkers live unique, empowered lives on their terms by cultivating the courage to dream, to express themselves boldly & authentically, and to focus Onward, Upward and Forward into new possibilities. http://www.terezfirewoman.com