By Linda Commito
Embracing an expanded concept of family can create a more loving world.
Most of us have grown up with a concept of “family” and what that looks like, whether ours fit into our definition and expectations or not. And although mine was considered traditional, with two parents and a couple of brothers, for whom I am grateful, I have learned to expand my definition of “family” by appreciating the way that the heart sometimes has a totally different idea about the value of loving relationships.
I would love to share with you an inspiring story about one amazing mom, Care, and the uniquely loving family that she and her husband Rick have created.
Rick, the son of dear friends of mine, met Care in the Peace Corps, both stationed in Azerbaijan and passionate about serving others and making a difference. Although they had arrived at different times and were living in different areas, they met and overlapped for five months. That connection was all that they needed to get engaged three months later.
Although they both wanted to have a family someday, Care had always wanted to rescue a child and had even considered adopting internationally. That was one thing that she was clear about as she told Rick: “Adoption is nonnegotiable.” Although Rick hadn’t thought about it, he was open, saying: “I had been loved unconditionally and wanted to replicate a family like the loving one I had grown up with, but not the details. But with Care, I was willing to do whatever it took.”
Once married and living back in Michigan, Rick was establishing himself as an assistant principal and Care was working as a counselor with children, they felt ready to consider adoption. Although friends and family may have wondered, “why adoption?” rather than having their own child, (especially since it costs $36,000 to adopt an infant domestically and $50,000 to adopt internationally), they were willing to support the determined couple with financial assistance through Go Fund Me. Rick and Care then put together their “book”—what prospective mothers in the United States use to choose who will adopt their baby. In it, they shared their stories, family history and what their dreams were about raising a child. Little did they know that synchronicities and prayers were about to make that happen.
Morgan, an 18-year-old freshman college student, was caught off guard by her pregnancy. She decided to find a couple to adopt her soon-to-be newborn and was given 30 “books” of couples who were hoping to be selected. It was Morgan’s sister who noticed Rick and Care’s book and put it on top, especially when she noticed their handwritten message: “May the Lord bless you and keep you always,” which is what Morgan’s grandmother used to say to her.
When they met for the first time, it went well. They got a call the next day. They were chosen to be the parents of this baby. And exciting as it was, a month later, Care says, “I was also aware that I would be walking out with a baby and that, sadly, Morgan would not.”
And here is where BIG LOVE came in. Care said: “I’m not a jealous person. I knew I’d have the capacity to share.” Care and Rick invited Morgan to be a part of their family. Their biracial baby, Lana, grew up with a huge extended family who all loved her. In fact, Morgan cared for her daughter one day a week, and, over time, Lana would refer to her as “birth mom” and Care as “mom.” Lana experienced so much love, even celebrating holidays as one big extended family with Morgan’s parents and grandparents, as well as her own.
Rick and Care’s family has grown and blossomed over four years, especially when they decided to have a child of their own, and two years later Ezra (“Ezzie” or “Sissie” as Lana likes to call her) came into their world. Now they even take family vacations together.
I love this expanded concept of family. It makes me feel more hopeful that we can create a more loving world that sees one another as family, as dear friends, or as people with whom we can share our love.
How can we open our hearts to each other, to experience BIG LOVE, and open to possibilities?
Linda Commito, author, speaker, entrepreneur, consultant and teacher, is passionate about her vision to leave this world a kinder, more loving, and interconnected place. Linda’s award-winning book of inspirational stories, Love Is the New Currency, demonstrates how we can each make an extraordinary difference in the lives of others through simple acts of love and kindness. Her latest project, the card game Just Ask 1 2 3, was inspired by a desire to connect people of all different ages, beliefs and lifestyles to share our individuality and find commonality. Linda also created “Kindness Starts with Me,” a program, book and website for children. For more information visit http://www.LoveistheNewCurrency.com or visit the Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/Justask123game.