Being happy is so easy, it’s one of the most difficult things you can do.
In previous columns we introduced our new paradigm: Stimulus > NEED > Response. We showed that emotional needs get “programmed” into us and trigger all unpleasant emotions.
Unhappiness is to need people, things or situations to be different from the way they are. We also call it stress or suffering.
If you raise the need to a preference, you can still prefer things be different, but you no longer stress over it. We call that happiness. It makes room for your love that’s already there.
You can rightfully ask, “If it’s that easy, why are so many so miserable?”
Here’s the main reason. Our biggest programmed need is the need to be right. It manifests as the cursed “J”s — Justification and Judgment. We learn to justify everything we feel, think, say and do. If we can’t, at least we must judge other people wrong for their ways. Is it any wonder people are reluctant to view a situation and say, “It’s OK if___” or “I’m OK even if___”? Since, in any particular moment, you can’t change the situation, your only option is to change yourself. When you program yourself to “make it OK”, you don’t suffer.
To conquer the cursed “J”s is to find the key to happiness. Here’s how you can work it.
Close your eyes.
Now, if you can read this, your eyes aren’t closed so let’s try again.
After you finish these instructions, close your eyes.
Picture a scene where you got upset…Picture it as if you were watching it in a movie, and without judging. Where were you? Who was there? What did they say or do that triggered your upset? Nothing more, just the facts.
Your programming tells you if it’s OK or not OK. If you feel fine, it’s OK. If you feel bad, it’s not OK. It’s that simple.
“But what if it’s something that really is not OK?” you ask. The beauty of this system is that it doesn’t make any difference. We’re about changing reaction, not reality.
The subconscious mind has no critical faculty, and accepts anything you tell it. You don’t want to create stress over the scene, so “It’s OK if___” and “I’m OK even if___” will do the job. I know this seems abstract—it IS abstract, so let’s take an example. Here is what your programming might tell you, and how you can counter it.
The scene: Bernice ate the last piece of pie. Possible reactions:
Anger. “Bernice doesn’t respect me. How dare she eat that pie. She’s out of control. I have to get even. After all, I’m the boss.” Counter with, “It’s OK if Bernice eats the pie.” NOT, “It’s OK if Bernice is a pig.” (Judgment)
Fear. “OMG, Bernice ate the pie. She doesn’t love me. She’s going to leave me. What did I do to make her hate me? I’m gonna die without her.” Counter with, “I’m OK, even if Bernice eats the pie.” NOT, “I’m OK even if Bernice has an eating disorder.” (Justification)
Keep your eyes closed and get into the scene. Work up as much feeling as you can over it. Then repeat these mantras over and over out loud to yourself for at least a full minute. “It’s OK if___” and “I’m OK even if___.” (Fill in the blanks with the facts. Remember, no “J”s).
Keep your conscious mind focused on the scene so the new program can slip in unnoticed. It sounds tricky, but it works well once you get the hang of it.
Then relax and replay the scene in your mind. If it’s OK, your reaction may well be something like, “Oh, I see Bernice finished the pie.” You have no negative feelings and no stress.
If you don’t like the situation, you can act to change it if you want, and the cursed “J”s won’t pollute your energy. Everything works better when you feel good.
Remember, the pie doesn’t care who eats it.
Gregg Sanderson is author of Spirit With A Smile, The World According To BOB. He is a licensed practitioner in the Centers for Spiritual Living, and a Certified Trainer for Infinite Possibilities. His earlier books were, What Ever Happened To Happily Ever After? and Split Happens—Easing The Pain Of Divorce. His latest project is the New Thought Global Network, where subscribers can enjoy the best in New Thought presentations from anywhere at any time. You can see it at www.newthoughtglobal.org.