Dear Ms. Spiritual Matters,
My best friend is thinking of resigning his teaching job. During the past year, he mentioned things were not going well at work. The principal was let go and a new manager was brought in to “straighten out the paperwork.” The new supervisor made teachers feel like it was their fault when, in fact, there had been no overall system in place under the previous principal to ensure all the proper entries and signatures were on documents. The responsibility for this happening rested with my friend’s old boss. My friend did his job in an exemplary manner in the classroom. However, the old principal did not fulfill his duties to make sure that everyone involved in recordkeeping properly signed papers. The new supervisor’s agenda was to lay blame on the teachers not on the old principal and, thereby, remove administration staff’s role and liability in causing the problem.
When all this happened, I noticed my friend began drinking alcohol in excess. He told me that he felt the new supervisor was holding him accountable for the job responsibilities of his old boss. The more pressure his boss put on him to get paperwork in order, the more he drank as he said, “to unwind.”
I wish I could take away the obstacles my friend faces at work. But, I know I cannot change what is happening there. What can I do to help him not become addicted to alcohol to relieve the stress he feels?
Sincerely,
Paul
Dear Paul,
It is customary for people to choose balms to calm themselves. This is natural behavior. Some people meditate. Others join sport teams to get an endorphin high from exercise. Many choose to take yoga classes. Prayer has also been proven to help people gain strength to overcome life’s inevitable traumas. It sounds like your friend uses alcohol to ease the pain he feels from overwhelming obstacles thrown at him in the workplace.
First, it would be helpful to let him recognize he is not alone in trying to soothe himself through the easy-to-grab habit of pouring a glass of alcohol. Telling him this will let him know you do not think that his behavior is unusual or odd. Second, you can go on to suggest he seek relief from work pressures through a means less harmful to his mental and physical state. You may propose your friend join you and your buddies for a movie, concert or a professional sports game.
It is often surprising how regular outings with friends reduces stress and, serendipitously, addictive behaviors that a person may adopt to deal with worries. That you arrange routine get-togethers will demonstrate the power of friendship in overcoming obstacles.
Sincerely,
Susan Schoenbeck holds Baccalaureate and Master’s degrees in nursing from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. She is an experienced educator and teaches nursing students at Walla Walla University — Portland, Oregon campus. She is an oblate of a Benedictine Monastery where she learned centering and contemplative meditation practices. She is author of the book, Zen and the Art of Nursing, Good Grief: Daily Meditations, and Near-Death Experiences: Visits to the Other Side.