Regardless of which decisions we make, we can create wins for ourselves.
The common view of decisions is that there is a “right” and “wrong” way to go. Therefore, there has to be a right and a wrong decision. We then load our decision making process with stress and fear, which commonly shows up as procrastination/over thinking before the decision, and worry and second-guessing afterwards. This can create a phenomenal amount of inner (negative) chatter and costs us highly in regards to our energy and peace. Thank goodness there is another way!
The No-Lose Model
“We’re afraid that the wrong decision will deprive us of something—money, friends, lovers, status, or whatever the right decision is supposed to bring us.” Renowned psychologist and author Susan Jeffers presents us with a “No-Lose” model—the idea that whichever path we choose has things to offer us for our good. I dare you to pause and think about that for a moment: regardless of which decisions we make, we can create wins for ourselves.
I’ll be honest, it took me some time to ruminate on that one. When I dared to believe that it was possible, the weight that lifted off me was incredible.
The points of the model are as follows:
- “I can’t lose—regardless of the outcome of the decision I make.”
The No-Lose model starts us off with this belief: “The world is a place for opportunity, and I look forward to the opportunities for learning and growing that either path gives me.” That combined with the belief that you can handle anything is a powerful place to start! Yet both of these beliefs are the opposite of what most of us have been taught to embrace. How many times did our parents, caregivers, and teachers tell us to “be careful” or spell out the dire consequences of not getting something right?
The real consequence is the fact that if we internalize these beliefs they will drive our actions, causing us to make our decisions from a place of fear. I wonder if a truly positive outcome can come about from a negative decision-making process. How different would it be for us to truly believe that we can handle anything? And that the world is a place not of scarcity but of opportunity?
- Do your homework and make connections.
Talk to people who know about the situation you want to step into. Use the power of intention to create what you want. No one is asking you to kiss your brains goodbye and just believe everything will be lovely. We live in an age where connections and information are at our fingertips.
Brian Pennie has succeeded in interviewing some of the most successful people in his country. How? By asking, he emailed them! “If you don’t ask, the answer will always be no” His attitude is that if we don’t try, we don’t know, and we certainly won’t create the life we want. It’s only our fear that holds us back from trying.
If we reach out to someone on LinkedIn, for example, they may say no or ignore us. So what, there are other people willing to answer our questions about what they do and how they got there. When we are informed, we can weigh the information and opinions, we can evaluate something and hold it up against our situation to compare it.
Consider your options intelligently and in an informed way. Greg McKeown’s Essentialism practice of making one well-considered decision, so that you don’t need to make a hundred others, happens right here.
- Establish your priorities.
When we have our vision clear before us, when we are in touch with what we want and who we want to be, we can ensure our decisions are in alignment. As a coach, this is why I spend time with clients asking about their “why.”
Our “why” acts as a magnet drawing us toward our goals. When everything looks less peachy, it is also what keeps us going. When we understand what it is about our goals and dreams that is important to us, we have our reason to act on them—our why.
Knowing who we want to be and what we want enables us to make a decision from that standpoint. For example, recently I was wondering whether to start publishing my creative writing. As a creative coach who supports others as they expand their creative comfort zone, it made perfect sense to me to do the same for myself.
- Trust your intuition.
It may sound crazy to trust our intuition but sometimes our inner selves know what we want and our rational mind (ego) rejects it. Sometimes it isn’t a case of making a decision. Rather it’s releasing a decision you have been connecting together in the background, and then choosing to agree with it.
Our subconcious mind loves to make connections. As information and ideas float around in the quantum space of our minds they collide and cohede, sparking and gathering momentum. The material of our decisions is often already aligned before our conscious mind is brought into play. These decisions are sometimes rejected by our conscious mind (ego), as they do not line up with the story we have been living to so far. The good news is that we can write on our own pages and decide our story.
- The last point is: Lighten up!
We can learn to trust ourselves, and we can find benefits in every path we take. I take my decision and then walk the path, looking for what that path has for me. Looking back doesn’t serve me—that moment has gone, and I could miss out on what is right there in front of me.
We empower ourselves when we take responsibility for our decisions, and if things turn out other than how we thought they would, we can learn and move on. We can course-correct and create new opportunities for ourselves.
Change your perspective and you can change your life.
These are not difficult things to implement. However, they can go a long way to reduce feelings of mental stress and overload. They help create effective habits and environments that, in turn, help you to achieve what you want to see.
Author’s Note: You can find out more about the No-Lose model in Susan Jeffer’s book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway. It is well worth a read.
Kate Pennell, English and slightly geekish, is a coach and dream catalyst who lives in Spain with three kids, various furry creatures and a patient husband. She loves nature, creativity and seeing people discover what truly makes them come alive. Kate provides the people she works with permission to launch and helps them begin to fly as they were made to. She teaches, encourages and connects with fellow travelers across our global village. Find out more at https://www.permissiontolaunch.website/.