What you think of me is none of my business.—Terry Cole-Whittaker
Some of the most insidious hidden BS comes from media, entertainment and other nefarious sources. It warns us of the most fearsome creatures in the universe. They stand ready to judge your every action and envy every success. They encourage your standards of behavior, and gleefully gloat if you don’t measure up.
These folks are dictators of morality. They never take a day off, and work on you 24/7. They have one trait in common that you can never achieve. They live in your head and are your constant critics. Because they aren’t you, they’re better than you by definition.
We call them “Others.”
You must work and play well with them and devote your life to pleasing them. You must earn their respect and genuflect before their imagined authority. Some BS even claims your happiness depends on pleasing “others.” Notice it’s always some “others” who say that. Hmmm.
You can never please them enough. You can make your life a mess to impress “others” who don’t know you’re alive and wouldn’t care if they did.
Buy an expensive home and drive a luxury car to gain the admiration and envy of “others.” It’ll never work. You can go bankrupt in your quest for prestige. They still don’t know you’re alive and wouldn’t care if they did.
No matter what your definition of success, those pesky “others” enter into it one way or another. Who are they? I have no idea. I don’t know if they’re alive, and wouldn’t care if I did.
When you need sanction from “others” people become sources of acceptance or rejection. When you have to make a decision, your BS is too concerned with, “What will people think?”
Picture it: A universe of “others” each seeking approval from every other “other.” The others don’t know they’re alive, and wouldn’t care if they did.
There’s a whole lot of silliness goin’ on.
I was once at a guest night for a teaching devoted to winning friends and influencing “others.” A nervous student next to me summoned up all his courage and introduced himself. I could feel his anxiety.
Being the kindly soul I am, I smiled and shook his hand. I could have destroyed him with a sneer. What power he handed me in that moment! With better BS, he could have done the same thing, and it would have been much more comfortable for us both.
Did you ever watch a comedian die on stage? (figuratively, not literally) The poor soul is desperate to get a laugh. It’s not a pretty sight, and the hecklers are funnier than he is.
It happened to me once, and it was enough to discourage me from a career in stand-up comedy. … That and not being funny.
That’s the BS related to imaginary “others.” It’s obvious that no real harm or condemnation can come from them. They only live in your head. But what about REAL “others” that live on planet Earth in Space and Time?
What about parents, children, bosses, customers, etc.? How do you handle your BS with specific individuals? Harmony or success is directly related to pleasing them in one way or another?
What if needy BS says you have to please your supervisor? The anxiety you project could drive you to create the very reaction you don’t want. Better BS says, “It’s OK if they don’t do what I want.” With that, you approach the situation in peace no matter what they do.
The same holds true for parents, lovers or anybody else you have to deal with. We call them “significant others.” Ever wonder what they’re supposed to signify?
Be sure to get next month’s thrilling issue of Transformation Coaching. You’ll see how significance sets you up for the “V”s.
What are the “V”s? Be sure to get next month’s thrilling issue of Transformation Coaching to find out.
Gregg Sanderson is author of Spirit With A Smile, The World According To BOB. He is a licensed practitioner in the Centers for Spiritual Living, and a Certified Trainer for Infinite Possibilities. His earlier books were, What Ever Happened To Happily Ever After? and Split Happens—Easing The Pain Of Divorce. His latest project is the New Thought Global Network, where subscribers can enjoy the best in New Thought presentations from anywhere at any time. You can see it at http://www.newthoughtglobal.org.