Set Your Victim Free

If we lack the strength to push through the adversities of life, there can be no lasting change.

By Clarisha Martin

Most of us remember the iconic advertising phrase, “The mind is a terrible thing to waste.” My take on this slogan is, “Time is a terrible thing to waste because you don’t have a grip on the mind.”

I spent exactly two weeks searching for all of the correct words to say in this article and, even though this is a grand opportunity to share with the Transformation tribe, I find it incredibly challenging to present my life story. I read article after article to gather ideas on how to capture your attention. (After all, we’re seeking to inspire and empower here, right?)

I need to be able to share my story without putting you to sleep while fitting in with the format of the magazine. At the beginning of the journey, the pen was my friend. Words flowed, and it seemed as if magic was spilling into the ink that formed them on my notepad. This magic created such depth that I knew it would captivate you from the very beginning:

“From the moment of my conception, I was born with one foot in the grave. A cursed product of an erection while the world prepared a red carpet for my rejection.”

How deep and dramatic…and entertaining. Just what most of the world wants to read about. It screamed: “Read me, read me; I’m good enough!”

My mind presumed it was free, but I was starting off playing the role of victim. Why? Was it so that you and I could establish some form of imaginary connection, although we’ve never met? Or, was I trying to articulate in a way that would deliver passion and have you riding a train of emotion that would perhaps break your mental shackles?

I spent so much time trying to get my mind organized that I lost my mind. I began having problems with my memory and fell into a total dead zone. I developed what felt like the mother of all brain fog! I lost my creative energy trying to fix something that was never broken and find what was not lost. All of this while being a stay at home wife and mother of six kids ranging from the ages of 7 months to 3-year-old twins to 7, 10 and 14.

Yep, this was one mentally exhausted mommy!

Breaking Free

Looking back at life, I have grown to understand that society’s problems today have nothing to do with our past experiences. In our early years, most of us are just a bunch of self-absorbed sappy pants and skirts looking for a free pass in life with a “give me, give me” mentality. Until we reach a level of maturity and self-awareness, most of us are comfortable living uncomfortably, and we make other people responsible for doing what we refuse to do for ourselves. We become the victim.

On my journey, it was not the hurt, frustration and neglect of childhood that held me back from emotional healing for 20 years. Sure, the sexual abuse, parental neglect and physically abusive relationships I experienced were all sad points along the way, but, in truth, all of my youth and most of my twenties were spent choosing to play the role of a victim—and that’s what blocked my transformation. I could not figure out that I was free in a physical sense because I allowed my mind to stay trapped in those dark times and, as a result, lived a very miserable life. I even tried to commit suicide at one point.

I often wonder why I didn’t make the decision sooner to take ownership of my life, but that, too, is in the past. I must let go of pining over missed opportunities for greatness.

I began to heal when I started taking responsibility for what I could control and releasing the hurt of my past. It was over! I was finally free.

The most significant challenge was to step outside of the walls that I’d built around myself. At that point, I understood that we form our views based on our personal life experiences, which mold us into who we are and create the potentials for our future. To view ourselves as a victim in this process is to say that we are actively experiencing a crisis in the present moment, and the situation becomes hopeless.

In other words: If we lack the strength to push through the adversity of life, there can be no lasting change.

Do you understand where I’m going with this? We get to decide the direction in which we focus our attention. The mind has the power to manifest feelings based on where we choose to focus our attention the most. If we want happiness and freedom, we must redirect our thoughts toward things that help bring our desires into our reality, just as you decided to shut off the world around you and read this article.

The next step is to stop trying to live your life according to others’ expectations of who you should be, how you should speak, or how you should write a magazine article!

We all have attributes that are specific to our selves, and they resonate with our tribes—those people who form a community for us.

We are sure to find our place in the world when we allow ourselves to embrace our individuality and personal truths. We all have grand ideas, but often we choose not to explore them because they are not in alignment with the status quo. Let’s break that  barrier. Embrace life as it is at this moment, create a vision of your future, and see it manifest into reality.

As heir to God’s Kingdom, you are royalty—and only you have the power to crown yourself happy! However, that happiness needs to come from within. External happiness is conditional and only works as long as the source can keep up with your emotional demands; one wrong turn and it’s gone.

One of the many laws of life is that while we are here in the world, time obeys our decisions, whether they are positive or negative. We can’t stop time, but we can influence our experiences along our timelines. Don’t waste your time by refusing to take ownership of your life today to create a greater tomorrow. Believe in your ability to overcome. You’re worth it. Your tribe is waiting!

Set your victim free.

Clarisha Martin grew up in the small country town of Clinton, LA. In October 2017, she received her Happiness Coach Certification and Relationship Workshop Facilitator Certification from Transformation Academy. She is the wife of Ernest Martin Jr. and the mother of six, including a set of identical twin daughters. Clarisha’s greatest passion in this lifetime is to help women and girls around the world to tap into their inner power and live happier and more successful lives. Thanks to the unconditional love of her family she has gained the strength to become a successful, self-accountable woman.  For more information email

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