Dear Ms. Spiritual Matters,
Next month my oldest daughter is marrying. I fear what her future will be. Not that I am too uncertain.
Amanda is marrying a man who is successful in foreign financial markets. They will live both in the U.S. and abroad, splitting their time. My daughter will put aside her career to raise children, the first of which will be born in five months.
I fear what this change means for Amanda, and my wife. We will continue working to help our two younger children through college and do not anticipate being present for the birth. The thought of this moves my wife to tears. While the world has become a smaller place, the space between us and our first-born looms immense.
How can we embrace this change when we fear its impact?
Sincerely,
Melvin
Dear Melvin,
You are like most parents. All mothers and fathers experience both fear and love for their children. Parenting can be full of happy rewards, while tinged with uncertainty of the paths their children take. Each person chooses their own destiny. The parents’ role is to love their children so they have the confidence and tools to grow into the people they want to be.
Each child finds his or her own path, led by a variety of influences, including family, home, church, school, friends and the world at large. Yes, parents may fear the choices their children make. The pathways children follow may be different than what was open to generations before them. Parents may fear that with which they are not familiar or do not understand. Fear may cause anxiety that breeds resistance.
Watch for times when you can join your daughter on the path she and her fiancé have chosen. Let your love embrace her through your support. Map out ways you and your family can demonstrate that your love surrounds your daughter so she can walk confidently down her chosen path.
“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.”—Anne Frank
Sincerely,
Ms. Spiritual Matters
Susan Schoenbeck holds Baccalaureate and Master’s degrees in nursing from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. She is an experienced educator and teaches nursing students at Walla Walla University — Portland, Oregon campus. She is an oblate of a Benedictine Monastery where she learned centering and contemplative meditation practices. She is author of the book, Zen and the Art of Nursing, Good Grief: Daily Meditations, and Near-Death Experiences: Visits to the Other Side.