Gaining My Emotional Independence

By Rev. Marla Sanderson

I must have come into this life with some worthiness issues because it seems like I started out a little insecure emotionally.

Not unstable—just unsure of myself. Childhood incidents combined to reinforce the idea that I wasn’t good enough and didn’t fit in. I felt like I didn’t have much of value to contribute or anything worth saying. I had no self-confidence, was too sensitive, and easily hurt.

One time the neighborhood kids were playing outside, and my brother asked why I didn’t join them. Though they were my friends, I replied that they hadn’t asked me. He tried to convince me to approach them, but I was uncomfortable and couldn’t explain my hesitation.

I always waited to be invited. It had become my strategy for avoiding rejection.

Years passed, and though I got more confident as I grew up, I still avoided anything that brought attention to me. I would never speak up in a group or offer an opposing opinion. All that has changed, but it didn’t happen overnight.

In my early 30s, I met Gregg (Sanderson) at a meeting. He told me later that he thought I was cute but a little mousy. Regardless, the relationship was an instant hit. He introduced me to the Living Love System (from the Handbook to Higher Consciousness) and it has changed my life many times.

This work was so effective in our own lives, we taught workshops to help others find more happiness and love. Of course, nobody benefited more than we did.

I discovered a web of belief that kept me bound to a life without luster. I learned to change my old “fear” programming to “love” programming. I also discovered I didn’t need to live up to anyone else’ expectations.

It became my intention and purpose in life to be me and to Be Love. Not only was it OK to express myself, it was essential, and I was getting better at it.

I also discovered other deep and powerful unconscious beliefs that had caused me pain and problems my whole life. There was a need to control, to be included, to be important, and plenty of others, but none worse than the need to be RIGHT.

Each of these primary emotional needs had an elaborate network of lesser needs. These caused emotional reactions ranging from annoyance and irritation to fear, terror and despair.

Each time I “reprogrammed” one of them, I experienced a huge transformation. Things that bothered me in the past had no effect on me. When that happens, there’s nothing to feel insecure about, is there?

I learned to feel OK about myself no matter what others thought and no matter what mistakes I made. I began to see humor in situations that had previously upset me, and to feel more compassion for other people as well as for myself.


If you’d like to have more happiness and confidence, download a free copy of How To Make Your Life. It’s an easy-to-read cartoon book that’ll help you change your life – if you use it. Go ahead. Click here and let it download.

Rev. Marla Sanderson is a skilled spiritual counselor, speaker, teacher, and workshop leader. She has studied and practiced the Science of Happiness and Science of Mind for over 40 years. Her website, The New Thought Global Network, showcases ideas from many New Thought disciplines.  She is ordained in the Centers for Spiritual Living. (Religious Science). Contact her at 727-475-8991, or or visit

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