Secrets to Building Confidence

By Tracey Ashcraft

“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.”—Jordan Belfort

Can you imagine what your life would be like if you stopped worrying about what other people thought of you? Do you dream about being able to easily make conversation with new people at social functions? Wouldn’t it be great to believe in yourself enough to pursue your dreams? Check out these tips on how to become more confident. Read them. Heck, print them out and carry them with you. Make them habits and watch your confidence fly.

1. Let go of what others think of you. Think about it. If you could let go of what others thought of you, you would be wearing whatever the hell you wanted, your career would be soaring and interpersonal conflicts would get resolved quickly and effortlessly. You would be painting that masterpiece, writing your book, taking the dance class, tackling rock climbing, helping people in need, sailing on the sea, immersing yourself in a foreign culture, taking a chance on love, giving up the soda addiction, making new friends, taking a class or making your dreams real.

2. Notice negative self-talk. Along the way in life, our self-confidence tends to take a beating. Our thoughts determine our self-confidence and, when we get hurt or disappointed, it isn’t fun. Then—unconsciously—we avoid situations that are potentially threatening to avoid recreating those same feelings. Our own minds can be very convincing when a potentially disappointing situation presents itself. The mind will use whatever tactic will work to get us not to participate in the activity. “You are not good enough. What will people think? That is dangerous. You don’t have enough talent.” However, these thoughts are powerful only if we let them be. Notice them and choose to think more positive thoughts.

3. Quit being a “frenemy” to yourself. We betray ourselves more often than Adele is played on the radio. Instead of putting yourself down with self-defeating thoughts, try being your own cheerleader. Think: The Little Engine That Could.

4. Challenge all-or-nothing thinking. As you are noticing the negative self-talk in tip 2, also notice all-or-nothing thinking. Words like always and never are dead giveaways that you are engaging in this pattern of thought. Replace these words with maybe, sometimes and once in a while. When you get out of all-or-nothing thinking, you will start to see more possibilities and be on your way to feeling more confident.

5. Fake it ‘til you make it. Fear can zap any shred of confidence we may be clutching onto, and it is triggered by our thoughts about a situation. Your heart may be pounding and your pulse may be racing, but remember fear and excitement feel pretty much the same. Before you totally give in to fear, at least try what you planned on doing. Find a way to try and, if you don’t succeed at first, you can feel good that you tried.

6. Laugh at yourself. Give yourself a break from the need to be perfect. This tip goes well with tip 1. If you can let go of what others think of you, then you will be better at laughing at yourself.

There aren’t confident people and insecure people. We are all scared at times, and confidence fluctuates daily. If you try these tips and work on making them new habits, you will find more times than not that you are feeling pretty good about yourself. Confidence will not be a thing that only other people have; it will be something you can access and express whenever you employ these new strategies.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”—Henry David Thoreau

 

Tracey Ashcraft, MA, LPC, is an accomplished Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Life Purpose Coach and the Founder of Best Life Therapy, where she has been transforming lives since 2004. She specializes in helping adults, couples and college students cope with emotionally intense people. She brings her sense of humor and direct, down-to-earth style that helps clients get to the truth quickly. For more information visit www.bestlifetherapy.com.

 

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