Dear Ms. Spiritual Matters,
This is the month of love. I have had some romantic partners. However, my friendships with men only last a few dates. My friends say the problem is that I pick men who have qualities I admire but not anything in common with me. So, the romances fizzle quickly.
I was attracted to a musician who played with a symphony orchestra, although I know nothing about classical music. In fact, I do not like it. On our last date, he said he wanted a girlfriend who could speak about Mozart or Bach. I could not. I liked an accountant because I admired how smart he was with money. I am routinely overdrawing my checking account. The accountant told me my overdraft habit was stupid and absurd. Then, he broke up with me. I dated a youth minister at my nephew’s church. He said he could no longer continue our relationship since I was not a member of any congregation.
I cannot seem to find love. How do I go about discovering the man for me?
Hopeful for love,
Edie
Dear Edie,
Love occurs when two people come together and recognize they share a common bond. To find love, we need to know who we are. The people we spend time with tell us who we are. Our hobbies show our interests. Our giving to others reveals what we value. Our prayers disclose our view of life and death.
When we meet a person who shares our view of life, enjoys being with the people we care about, takes part enthusiastically in activities we love to do, and gives to others in the ways we do, then, we have found a person we could love and who could love us back.
According to Thomas Merton, “Love is our true destiny. We do not find it alone. We find it with another.” You will discover the man for you in the communities you enjoy. Here, you will connect with a person who captures your soul because he shares your hobbies, likes and values. A true mate is one who reflects your soul.
Sincerely,
Susan Schoenbeck holds Baccalaureate and Master’s degrees in nursing from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. She is an experienced educator and teaches nursing students at Walla Walla University — Portland, Oregon campus. She is an oblate of a Benedictine Monastery where she learned centering and contemplative meditation practices. She is author of the book, Zen and the Art of Nursing, Good Grief: Daily Meditations, and Near-Death Experiences: Visits to the Other Side.