Hurdle to Happiness: The Need to Be Right

By Gregg Sanderson

The pursuit of happiness is a right. Catching it is optional.

There is no greater obstacle than the need to be right, indicated by the three “J”s. Their purpose is to make us think happiness depends on other people or circumstances.

They deprive us of unconditional love and the full range of joyful experiences. They apply to all areas of life, and come from unconscious limiting beliefs. For starters, here’s how the “J”s show up in relationships.

Judgment

Judgment determines what’s right and wrong, good and bad, worthy and unworthy. It shows up in

Attempts to control: “I’m in charge of this relationship.”

Insults and put-downs: “How can you be so stupid?”

Demands and expectations: “If you love me, you would___.”

And a multitude of variations.

It’s often two-sided, and hardly a formula for a happy life together.

Justification

This covers up the fear behind every judgment.

“I have a right to be angry.”

“Everybody says so.”

“Mercury is retrograde.”

And a multitude of variations.

It proves I’m right and you’re wrong.

Junk

Junk is anything I must have to be happy. It’s anything material that isn’t me. It could be

Person: Mr. or Ms. Right, your boss, a one-night stand.

Situation: A party, a vacation, a divorce.

Stuff: A new car, the latest ____, money.

And a multitude of variations.

If it doesn’t make me happy, at least I’ll suffer in comfort.

Jump the Hurdles

“What would love do; what would love say?”

Definitions: Unconditional Love is the emotional acceptance of “what is.” Happiness is your emotional state as you approach Unconditional Love.

“What is” is the situation at any given moment.

Love would not seek to get even, insult or deprive. Love would accept. “That’s the way it is.”

You can identify which of the “J”s are active. Judgment breeds anger, Justification comes from fear, and Junk yields frustration.

When JUDGMENT is challenged, the immediate response is anger. Love says, “It’s OK if ‘what is’ is.”

JUSTIFICATION comes from a fear of being wrong, and we’re taught all our lives that it’s wrong to be wrong. Love says, “I’m OK, even if ‘what is’ is.”

JUNK addiction is characterized by frustration when you don’t get it, or when you don’t get enough of it. Think of money or sex. Love: “It’s OK if I don’t have ___, I’m OK even if I don’t have ___.”

Once you view “what is” from love, what can you do? You’ll have more options because anger, fear or frustration won’t cloud your perception.

If you want to change “what is,” you can take whatever action you choose.

You might also discover, as you view from love, that “what is” is fine just the way it is.

Remember too, you don’t have to judge yourself when you aren’t pure love 24/7. Life is an ongoing process.

That’s the way it is.

Gregg Sanderson is author of Spirit With A Smile, The World According To BOB. He is a licensed practitioner in the Centers for Spiritual Living, and a Certified Trainer for Infinite Possibilities. His earlier books were, What Ever Happened To Happily Ever After? and Split Happens—Easing The Pain Of Divorce. His latest project is the New Thought Global Network, where subscribers can enjoy the best in New Thought presentations from anywhere at any time. You can see it at www.newthoughtglobal.org.

 

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