Dear Ms. Spiritual Matters,
I am not looking forward to some of the parties that happen at the beginning of the New Year. My wife’s family always wants to share what they will vow to change in the coming year. This plays out in a gathering at my in-law’s house, where we traditionally sit in a circle the first Saturday after New Year’s Day. We are given strips of paper with our names on them and asked to write down three things we will change in our life—like become proficient at a new sport—over the next 12 months. The papers are collected and sealed with wax in a jar.
Then, my father-in-law unseals the jar from the previous year and reads the person’s name and goals aloud. Those who have not accomplished their planned activities are booed and must clean up after the party. My wife’s sisters and brothers are competitive and know how to win this game. They write down things like “take a yoga class” when they are already signed up, “coach soccer” when they do this every year for their kid’s team or “take a class at the university” when they are already are enrolled. I find this process meaningless, but choose not to criticize my wife’s family tradition.
I want to be more serious than this family gaming about gaining new abilities in the New Year. Any suggestions?
Regards,
Joe
Dear Joe,
Maybe you would enjoy changing your perspective. Instead of deciding how you will change for the better this coming year, consider letting the events that happen around you during the year shape you. You do not need to establish changes ahead of the year. You just can be open to them.
Each year unfolds with surprises. Our job security may unexpectedly go away. We may move to a new home or city. Or new people move in our neighborhood. Our family circle may welcome new members. Someone we are close to may fail in health. A loved one may die. We could experience a storm of disaster proportions. If we let them, all of these situations spur us to think about who we are and who we want to be. Paying attention to events the universe is sending our way may increase our awareness of what we want to do with our time. Happenings may not just propel us into action. They may help us evolve. Personal reflection when an event occurs increases understanding of ourselves and gives us the momentum to go forward with new vigor, hope and purpose.
The change in the New Year may not be a skill you learn, but it could be a different way you feel about yourself, your friends, family and the world around you. For example, the death of an uncle could teach you that you want to be a helpful nephew by periodically checking in on your aunt. You could do this by taking your mother and your aunt out to lunch every couple of months. Or if your town has a flood due to changes in climate, you might volunteer with the Red Cross, help people and make new friends in the process. You may decide to travel to far-away continents when disasters occur.
But, remember a New Year’s gathering is a party. Enjoy it! Party time is for social merrymaking where we whoop it up and enjoy our friends or family. My advice to you is to forget the big picture at your wife’s family’s New Year parties and enjoy spoofing on what big accomplishments you will achieve. Put down climb Mt. Everest or have your newly created YoTube go viral.
You can keep it secret that the events that unfold around you hold the key to unlocking the really important changes that will occur in you in the coming year.
Sincerely,
Ms. Spiritual Matters
Susan Schoenbeck holds Baccalaureate and Master’s degrees in nursing from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. She is an experienced educator and teaches nursing students at Walla Walla University — Portland, Oregon campus. She is an oblate of a Benedictine Monastery where she learned centering and contemplative meditation practices. She is author of the book, Zen and the Art of Nursing, Good Grief: Daily Meditations, and Near-Death Experiences: Visits to the Other Side.