Dear Ms. Spiritual Matters,
I have a friend that I meet for tea at hometown pastry shops where the atmosphere and the baked goods are superb. We pay a little more than we would at a corporate store. We know this walking in and choose to do so. The extra cost is an indulgence mirroring what we came for—the joy of being cossetted in such smells as cinnamon, nutmeg and fresh basil, along with Shanti (meaning “peace within”), Tao of Tea and the smiles of those staff that, as gracefully as gymnasts, grab our chosen scones, breads, muffins or giant cookies from glass displays. We buy into the spectacle.
We find a table to our liking where we can catch a view of everything and everyone in the establishment. Tea and pastry does not just happen. It is an event for us. Our conversation takes time to start because we are drawn to everyone around us. We stealthily pick up interesting snippets from other patrons. Then, we comment on conversations we’ve strained to hear. Oh…so delightful is secondhand talk.
We don’t officially rate our “bakery spas.” But, I can hear the numbers on a Likert scale click in when, my friend taps a worker on the shoulder and says, “You deserve a gold star. Your service made our day. Thank you.” Inevitably, the bakery worker steps backward in order to look at this anomaly in the business world—a client openly praising an employee in public. Workers are so used to finding the only recognition of the quality of their service enmeshed within the calculation of the tip that they often find my friend’s personal commentary startling.
And, then, the “verbal tip” sinks in. The worker can hear my friend’s words of praise float among the other people and employees in the bakery shop. Wow…someone recognized me. ME! And out loud. Everyone can hear the compliment.” Hearing “You did the best job helping my child pick off the kids’ menu!” is better than finding a required 18 percent gratuity scribbled on a bill.
So, I want to know, how can I best jump aboard my friend’s habit of commenting and making these bakery folks feel good?
Sincerely,
Barb
Dear Barb,
Just a few sweet words can echo in one’s mind for hours…days…for weeks. First, it is great you want to get on board doing something that in a simple, direct way changes lives for the better. You know the bakery shop worker will remember spoken praise longer than a customer who gave a large tip. Why? This act of connecting the dots between what was done and how it is appreciated with a compliment touches people because the words are about them.
It will just take some attentive observing for you to follow suit. Ask yourself, when you are served, what is this bakery staff person doing that is special? And, there you have it. For example, “I liked the way you were so quick to take our order even though it is very, very busy in here today.” Or, “You keep on smiling even though the line for service is out the door.” Or, “I was so happy how you took the time to box each item up separately. The people I am giving this box of baked goods to will love that each item is individually wrapped.”
By giving compliments, you will make a difference for the people who work in your community. Serendipitously, the customers around you will also feel good. Everyone enjoys a positive environment. Others may follow your lead and the world will be a better place.
Good wishes,
Ms. Spiritual Matters
Susan Schoenbeck holds Baccalaureate and Master’s degrees in nursing from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. She is an experienced educator and teaches nursing students at Walla Walla University — Portland, Oregon campus. She is an oblate of a Benedictine Monastery where she learned centering and contemplative meditation practices. She is author of the book, Zen and the Art of Nursing, Good Grief: Daily Meditations, and Near-Death Experiences: Visits to the Other Side.