Awakening My True Self

By Rebecca Edwards

Awakening to my soul’s purpose was a gift I received from excavating my true Self from the dark depths of self-defeating behaviors, victimhood, and addiction. Aligning with the powerful energy of this process allowed me to see, with new eyes, how my greatest afflictions became my greatest assets. The courage I found in my life by becoming the person I was meant to be changed the pain of the past. As I awakened to my truth, I was granted the opportunity to transform my pain by inspiring change in those who still suffer. And as I fell into alignment with both love and service, I began to share my transformational story to help others grow spiritually.

My Experience

I was an actress, and the stage was my life. It became the setting for my drama. My script consisted of all the wrongs, misfortunes, and injustices I had personified. My elaborate stories of woe defined me, ruled my thoughts and my actions, and habitually fed my fears of never having enough or ever getting what I wanted. The more I spoke of suffering, the more momentum suffering received. The more loudly resentments echoed, the more toxic my view of life became. I was, unknowingly, feeding a psychic parasite that grew stronger with every judgment against what life offered me. I desperately wanted to be free of this spiritual sickness, but it was everyone else who had to change so I could be happy. My personal power was diminished by negative patterns of chronic complaining and constant blaming of others for my unhappiness. As long as I was a victim of others “bad behavior” I was trapped by the story I was telling myself.

Eventually my story lost its appeal; I turned to alcohol to “alter my distorted perception of reality.” I lost my place in the script, and I could no longer play my part. I sank into the abyss of emotional nothingness, defeated by alcohol, resentments, and a painful childhood. My story claimed victory.

The Awakening

As I lay crushed under a pile of lost dreams, broken promises, and self-pity, my tears of desperation gave vital water to deeply planted seeds of hope. In brokenness, I found the courage to surrender the attachment to my story. In the darkest moment of my life, a warm light surrounded me. In that light, I connected with a power greater than myself. That day my story became the catalyst for change. I was finally at the point where I was willing to receive help from a counselor and a 12 Step program. Rewriting the story of my life was no longer a future event; it was the reality of today if I committed to do the work required.

Acceptance-Ending Denial

With change came a great deal or personal responsibility. I had to embrace the past, tell the truth, identify with my pain and loss, and purge my darkest secrets of what I experienced as a child: sexual abuse, emotional abandonment, and complete chaos. I had to be willing to sit with the emotional pain of mourning an interrupted childhood. I had to learn to be still and accept each feeling that was bubbling to the surface. By taking the time to heal slowly and thoroughly, I learned how I could utilize a variety of resources that were instrumental in helping me change. Each transformational step I took aided in the quieting of my mind. This endless mental chatter was always related to fear. When I became still, the person I was pretending to be and the vision of who I wanted to become formed the bridge that connected the two worlds I was trapped between.

Forgiving Myself and Others

With help from those resources, including the 12 Step program, a trauma/addiction counselor, and several highly recommended transformational books, I was shown how to forgive myself and those who, through their spiritual sickness, injured me or caused pain. As a result, I was set free from the barbed chains of anger, resentment, and hopelessness. Releasing toxic emotions set my soul free. Once I could look at each experience for the gift rather than the curse, my mind began to focus on joy rather than sorrows. I began to see how my experience could help others be set free from victimization and catastrophizing. Healing through forgiveness changed my past by allowing me to look at it differently. I can now reach into the lives of others and deeply touch their hearts. By sharing my story, others can embark on their own transformation from pain and lack to healing and abundance.

Loving Unconditionally

Unconditional love of self and others was the spiritual key that unlocked a new vision for a purposeful life. The enlightened state of consciousness that I was identifying with brought more depth to my life, my relationships, my work, and how I viewed those in my circle of friends and those within my community. A richer, more serene life was the result of letting go of what no longer served my higher purpose.

Today, I have a choice of how I think, how I communicate, and how I spend precious time that creates each new moment of life. I am either in love or fear. Neither exists in each other.

I began to resonate with the reflection of whom I was becoming. I was able to gently flow with the cycles of life instead of going against them. I could be still with gratitude instead of being restless with judgments that were fueled by self-centered thoughts. I soon craved the guidance of those who came before me in the evolution of the spirit. “Letting go” continued to be the key of emotional freedom when fears of loss, lack, scarcity or injury resurfaced. I learned regardless of circumstances, life is meant to be lived with ease and joy. When I saw life as an experienced teacher, I was less afraid of everything that did not fit within my understanding of what life was supposed to be. Loving my path and my story excavated the truth of my soul’s purpose.

Rebecca Edwards is an inspirational author thriving in a Universe that yields to her desires to be a catalyst for spiritual change. Her own journey of transformation through life’s most difficult circumstances has awakened a deep passion to share her personal story. The words of Paramahansa Yogananda echo Rebecca’s true soul purpose: “As the sun spreads vital rays of light, I will spread rays of hope in the hearts of the poor and forsaken, and kindle a new strength in the hearts of those who think they are failures.” Contact her at

This article is a chapter from the book Transform Your Life! written by 60 real-life heroes and experts and available at,, and all ebook formats.

This entry was posted in Coaching. Bookmark the permalink.