The Value of a Life Review… and How to Do One

By Dr. Toni LaMotta

One of the key tools of a conscious aging process is the life review, but it’s not something you do in one sitting! I have found it most useful to do at least a partial life review when my life is in transition.

When we do a life review, two major things show up. First, we get to see where our incompletes are in life. We may have some forgiveness work to do or releasing and letting go of past hurts. Secondly, we may find hidden potentials—things in our past that still have a germ of possibility for the future.

For many people, the thought of a life review conjures up a soul going through a near death experience (NDE), where someone has life “flash before his (or her) eyes” in an instant. And, yes, that is something that happens to many who have NDEs. The fascinating thing about the stories of life reviews is that in almost all cases when people see that they have made wrong choices, they never feel judged during this experience. That’s worth pondering as were getting ready to a living life review.

When to Do a Life Review

Take on the attitude of a nonjudgmental observer as you prepare to begin your own life review. I recommend not waiting until you are “dying” but, rather, doing frequent life reviews from midlife on. Perhaps every year on your birthday, at the end of a year, or in times of transition when you are looking at the future possibilities that may become available to you.

A life review is an awesome opportunity to discover more fully who you truly are.

I have found that working with clients in midlife and beyond that it also can be a proven pathway to more conscious aging.

May Sarton, a poet, novelist, and memoirist, wrote in one of her journals: “I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward, but I look forward with joy to the years ahead and especially to the surprises that any day may bring.”

In the words of one of my favorite mentor/teachers, Dr. Ira Progoff, creator of the Intensive Journal method, it’s a way of looking at what our life still wishes to become.

Doing a life review can be a way not only of remembering past events, but an opportunity to reframe these events as well. One goal is to come to attribute new, different, and more empowering meanings to those past events. The focus is not to dwell on the past, but to revisit and integrate it in order to live more fully in the present and prepare for the future.

Looking at the Research

A significant body of research has demonstrated that life review can help individuals to integrate losses, resolve “unfinished business” accumulated over the course of a lifetime, and significantly contribute to adjustment to aging. That’s reason enough to give it a chance!

One of the normal developmental tasks of later adulthood is the process of reminiscence that, unfortunately, often is viewed as the mere rambling of someone who isn’t quite coping with the present. But, studies have shown that reminiscence is the way the personality reorganizes itself as we age.

When Eric Erikson, the sociologist, talked about the stages of adult development, he described the final stage as one of integrity vs. despair. At this stage it becomes important for one to look back on one’s life with satisfaction before facing death.

Erikson proposes that the critical factor in accepting death is one’s acceptance of his or her personal life/career fulfillment. In other words, those who feel that their life’s work has been accomplished find it easier to face death than those who feel like they have unfinished business.

Conscious aging is all about finding meaning—both in what has been and in what is yet to be. A life review gives us the opportunity to both define and redefine ourselves in the areas where we feel the need for greater growth and change.

Successful aging causes us to move gracefully from the doing part of our lives into greater BEINGNESS. Aging can be the opportunity to redefine one’s being in the world by attributing meanings to the joys, accomplishments, as well as the sorrows and losses of our lives.

How to Do a Life Review

So, how does one do a life review? Well, there are many ways. Here are two suggestions:

Writing an Autobiography: Some people do a life review by writing their autobiography and taking notice of what comes up as significant and important.

Using Audio, Video or Photos: Many people use audio or video to record their experiences rather than write them out. I once did a project where I took each year of my life and created a scrapbook with one page for every year. I talked with my parents and other members of my family when my memory failed me about a particular year. But, for the most part, I found pictures, either some I had or magazine pictures that represented the FEELING at that time, and each year was memorialized in its own page.

I then went back to think about the people who were important each year; the events that stood out; the works I was doing that seemed significant; and the beliefs that I took on at the time. It took me almost a year to complete the project, but it’s something I’ll treasure and it was a springboard to a lot of discovery about myself and about what was and what still is important to me.

During the last 30 or so years of my own life, I also have studied various journaling techniques that have helped me to do the two things I believe are important for a life review:

1. Complete the past through closure and reconciliation.

2. Find the gems of possibility waiting to be explored for the future.

We’ll discuss other methods in upcoming issues of Transformation Magazine. In the meantime, any method you feel drawn to will work for you. With the holiday and New Year upon us, it’s a great time to start a life review: Just do it!

 

Author’s Note: Actress and political activist Jane Fonda discussed her life review at age 59 recently in a book and on TV. You can watch the interview Jane did with Oprah by going to: www.midlifemessages.com/jane-fonda-on-oprah-on-the-life-review-process/. And while you are on the blog you can also find lots of other good articles about Jane’s experience and about the life review in general.

Dr. Toni LaMotta is a keynote speaker, best-selling author of What You REALLY Want, Wants You and spiritual teacher supporting people in growing spiritually through the process of aging consciously. She also helps coaches and speakers create, publish and market their books. Dr. Toni is also an expert in supporting people and organizations in reinventing themselves in midlife and beyond. Her experience? From Catholic nun, to computer programmer and dinner theater actress, to professional speaker, entrepreneur, and Co-Minister of Unity Church in the Woods, Bradenton, FL  (unitychurchinthewoods.org). You can read her blog at www.midlifemessages.com and find out more about her conscious aging programs at www.tonilamotta.com.

 

 

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