By Deserie Valloreo
(This article is an excerpt from the book Transform Your Life! Expert Advice, Practical Tools, and Personal Stories. Read 50+ more inspirational chapters at www.transformation-publishing.com.)
Life is a journey of endless possibilities. Thinking about who you want to be, what you want to do, and where you want to go on your journey can be so exciting!
Of course, not everyone thinks this way. In fact, many people do not see life this way at all. They drudge through each day as if it were a chore rather than the true gift that it is.
Then there are the people who have experienced the treachery and hopelessness of living life in a cycle of negativity and found a way to break out of it. I am one of these people.
I had been trained since childhood to think the worst and to live in fear. Just a couple years ago, while talking on the phone with my mother, she expressed concern because I had started writing and performing music around town. “You aren’t going to stop doing your natural health business are you? YOU CAN’T do that.” Then it hit me. I had been told the words “you can’t” my entire life.
It was an epiphany. A big smile spread across my face, and I replied to my mother, “No mom, I won’t shut down my business.” She was relieved.
I believe this is my parents’ way of trying to protect me:
“If we teach her to be cautious, afraid and distrustful of people, she won’t get hurt.”
The problem with this model is that when our thoughts are always focused on what can go wrong, we diminish the chances for things to go right.
This has been a HUGE struggle for me in personal relationships. Being so afraid the other person will hurt me made me unable to receive love and unable to truly give love. Fortunately, I became aware of these negative ways of thinking, which enabled me to take conscious action to work to “unlearn” the bad stuff and retrain my mind to be open to possibilities rather than closed with fear.
Strategies for Success
One way to do this is by using a technique I learned during my yoga training, and that is to become the observer in your own mind. Create space between your emotions and your reactions. If something makes you angry, sit and observe yourself feeling the anger. It is okay to feel anger. It is how you react to the anger that makes the difference between being happy and being upset. If you observe the anger as a witness, you can experience it and let it go rather than react and create even more negative energy for yourself and others.
Sometimes I am too open and I do feel “hurt,” but that is just my ego sulking. My true Self, the one observing the sulking, knows that this experience is just a part of the journey. My ego chooses to define my experiences as good or bad, when really it is just an experience—and that is all it is.
In order for us to know joy and love, we must know the sadness of feeling hurt. What is the point in experiencing anything if it is just one continuous act of sameness?
A favorite quote of mine comes from the book “The Untethered Soul.” It reads:
“The only thing there is to get from life is the growth that comes from experiencing it. Life itself is your career, and your interaction with life is your most meaningful relationship.”
When you change the way you think, it affects your outlook and attitude. The expression “think positive” is basically saying if you think positive, meaning you truly BELIEVE in a positive outcome, it is more likely to happen.
An extremely important factor in changing the way you experience life is being very clear on your intentions. To do this, you must be present in each moment. If you are not paying attention to the moment, it is lost forever. You won’t even have a memory of it because you weren’t paying attention when that moment happened in the first place.
You can use a variety of tools to help you stay focused on the current moment and reinforce your intentions.
One way to become clear on your intentions and focus on the present moment is to ask yourself, for each task that you perform throughout the day, “What is the purpose of this task?” “Why am I doing it?” This can be challenging to do at first, but like most things, consistent practice will make it easier.
You also can use this in other areas of your life. For example, I was struggling on how to approach a situation with someone I felt had done me wrong. This individual was trying to insert himself back into my life. When I recognized that my intention was to be his friend, I was able to state this to the person and ask his intention. It helped to clarify and communicate what I expected from the situation and gave the other person the opportunity to do the same.
In addition, affirmations or mantras can help you focus on your intentions. These are phrases or statements repeated on a frequent basis. Affirmations can have amazing effects in overcoming personal blocks, limitations, or harmful habits.
I went through a period a few years ago where I was feeling defeated and tired all the time. A friend suggested I try creating a mantra or affirmation to help turn things around. He said it changed his life, so I decided to give it a try.
The idea is to identify what you are lacking or desiring in your life and turn it into a positive statement.
I used “I am happy. I am healthy. I am prosperous” (I also added “I am grateful”) as my mantra.
I repeated it to myself every morning before I got out of bed. This mantra helped me realize how much our thoughts and perceptions dictate our lives. It was a powerful, positive turning point in my life.
Imagine you are observing your feelings rather than reacting to them, you are focused on each moment of your life and you are clear on your purpose and intentions. How do you think this will affect your life?
You will have replaced the negative noise in your head with positive statements. You will have changed your thinking and changed your life.
Deserie Valloreo is a Natural Health Advocate and Certified Clinical Herbalist. She is featured in over 200 eHow.com instructional videos on natural remedies. Her company, HerbalWise, LLC, is a global resource for natural health education and remedies for health and home. People suffering from pain, fatigue, insomnia and other health concerns who are seeking natural ways to resolve these issues, find answers and get relief by attending Deserie’s workshops and using her natural remedies. In addition, Deserie offers a 12-week program for holistic practitioners on developing and delivering their own wellness workshops. Visit www.HerbalWise.net,