How to Find the Love of Your Life

by Rev. Marla Sanderson

We all want to love and be loved. We want that special relationship with someone to spend our lives with. Someone to share our experiences, nurture and encourage us, and kiss our booboos.

We’ve come a long way since cave man days, and few will settle for someone because they live in the next cave, or because the union will benefit the tribe. A bonk on the head just doesn’t do it anymore. Dating rituals have changed dramatically, and we expect more than ever when it comes to finding a mate.

We all have standards, expectations, and demands. We look for romance, social and financial advantages. We want our mate to look good, dress to impress, and have a career we can be proud of. And if, after a while, they don’t measure up, we can trade them in for a newer model.

How’s that working?

More and more people find themselves alone. Is there a connection? Yes, you can be sure I’m making one now.

Look at LOVE. Love accepts, nurtures, encourages and supports. Love appreciates another person, and wants the best for them.

And then there’s NEED (Never Ending Expectations and Demands). When we need approval, admiration, adoration, affection, agreement, attention, commitment, consideration, communication, devotion and respect, etc., we feel bad when we don’t get it. We react with anger, hurt, jealousy, fear, resentment…and on and on. Whatever we feel from need, it sure isn’t love.

It’s simple. Love feels good. Need feels bad.

You’ve probably noticed: When you love, you feel good. Love reflects the best within you. Your love makes you magnetic and attractive. As you accept and appreciate people the way they are, they are free to be themselves, and they feel good being around you.

When you need, you feel bad. Need wants to get something and feels upset when it isn’t freely given.

Looking at it this way, if your love for me doesn’t permit me to be the way I am, it’s not really love at all, is it? It’s need.

So where Love and need are concerned, Love radiates joy, and need seeks fulfillment. Love expresses completeness. Need cries lack. We’ve all been “programmed” with a lifetime of input that tells us we’re not good enough the way we are…
•    That we aren’t OK unless we have everyone’s approval, acceptance, or permission
•    That the way to be happy is to control everyone and everything
•    That we’re not OK unless we have a relationship
•    Or that we have to have some important position in life to be a valid human being
•    And let’s not forget that we are expected to be right all the time

Think about it.

Remember we are not talking about reality. Programming is nothing but impractical yet painful notions—ideas—concepts that make you think you’re not OK the way you are.

It’s like looking into a mirror and believing the dust and fingerprints are the real you.

In Truth, you are a living fountain of love in expression—not a sponge lying around thirsting for anything that comes your way. If you could see yourself clearly, you would know Love is your natural state. You would see and know you are a beautiful, flawless being of light who should never believe there’s anything wrong with you.

The love of your life isn’t a person or a relationship. It’s you, when you seize the opportunity to express Love in the form of acceptance, support, and encouragement every chance you get.

Then, what do you think that will attract?

Marla Sanderson has been a student of spiritual practice for more than 35 years. She began as Assistant Director of The Next Step, a psychic and spiritual community in a New Mexico ghost town. As workshop leader, teacher, practitioner, and minister, she has led relationship and personal growth workshops, taught psychic development and meditation, Living Love, and the Science of Mind. Marla is available for workshops and speaking engagements. She recently founded the New Thought Center for Creative Living.

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