Enlightened Relationships: The PSYCHICology of Love

By Joeel A. Rivera

Are you a psychic or intuitive and, if yes, does it impact your relationship with your partner?

Before I answer this question or help you to reach a conclusion about it, I want to point out that we all have an attachment to words and terminology. I have worked with many different types of people, communities and organizations, and I have always found it interesting that I can speak about the same topic in a strict corporate environment as well as in a deeply spiritual group, the only difference being the terminology that I use. However, if you mix these groups together they often shun each other, believing that their different terminology means they have very different belief systems.

For example, when teaching a psychology class I explain the phenomenon of intuition as the different parts of the brain and their functions, and I cite the research behind it. On the other hand, when speaking to a spiritual group I usually explain psychic phenomena from an energetic perspective. So, the answer to my question is that you are intuitive! Woohoo! Now that this great mystery has been solved, we can move on to the fun stuff.

Intuition, for the most part, is our deeper connection and sensitivity to our environment, those around us and our interconnectedness—often at an unconscious level. It allows us to be able to derive information from beyond ourselves that can give us insight about ourselves, others and situations. We are all intuitive in our own way, and some individuals are more developed than others, due to many factors. For example, if you drive a cab for a living and have done so for several years, a brain scan would reveal that the part of your brain that is involved with mapping is much more developed than in the average person.

This is no different than a runner having bigger calf muscles than those who do not run.
Of course, some people are predisposed to having more abilities in certain areas than others. A great example of this can be found in sports, where there are certain players who are born with a natural talent that others do not have. In the same way, some people are born with natural “gifts” to access information beyond what our five senses typically perceive. However, whether intuition is predisposed or developed due to exposure, everyone has the ability to learn how to develop this gift.

Humans are amazingly adaptable and can learn new skills for utilizing intuition, for improving relationships, and for assisting in many other areas of life. For example, I was reading an article a couple of weeks ago about a blind mountain bike team. I thought to myself, “Really? A blind mountain bike club?” Well, it turns out that they have practiced echo-location enough that they can now ride their bikes through mountain trails just as well as people with full vision. In fact, research has demonstrated that you can take a seeing person and train them to use echo-location, and after 20 minutes he or she will be able to use this system to find the walls within a room.

You are capable of more than you can imagine!

So how does developing your intuition have anything to do with your relationship? Intuition impacts everything from the time that you meet someone through the development and lifespan of the relationship. Have you or anyone you know entered into similar relationships over and over again, whether romantic or not, that may not serve their highest and best good? A person who experiences this is a perfect example of a person who is using their intuition, or psychic ability, without even noticing. We all have an unconscious blueprint of what we believe a relationship “should be” (not to be confused with what we would WANT it to be) that has been created from our childhood and past experiences. Our intuition is constantly looking for people and situations that will fit our unconscious beliefs and expectations.

Amazingly, despite our intentions to find someone “different” and more in alignment with what we desire in a relationship, our intuition somehow KNOWS that someone is a match for our blueprint, and so we find him or her to be attractive. Our intuition is at work in our relationships, and if we want to use it for our benefit rather than continuing our old, unconscious, patterns, we can use the following tools and guidelines for recalibrating our imprinted programs:

1. Heal your inner child: We all have belief systems and baggage that we bring from our past, and our intuition will continue to seek a match for this blueprint until we become aware of it. If we reflect on our patterns and baggage in our unconscious minds and do work to release them, our intuition will then begin seeking a match to the scenario we want consciously.
2. Listen to your inner truth: There are many times that we have a deep gut feeling about something, that we don’t follow, and then find out that there was a reason for it being there. Take the time to truly listen and honor that gut feeling because this is your intuition trying to tell you the direction in which you should go.
3. Practice differentiating between your past expectations (and fears) and your intuition: The hardest part of understanding, for most people, is releasing their own biases. When we feel intuition pulling us, it’s time to take a moment to reflect on it and ask ourselves if the feeling mirrors an old fear or expectation. This may seem hard at first, but with time it becomes easier and the differentiation will become clear.
4. Write down your synchronicity experiences: If we do this it may help us to more clearly determine in what way we receive intuitive insight. For example, by tuning into my synchronicities, I realized that when I start seeing a lot of number “23s” I get a deep urge to consume information, often just before I’m about to go through a transformational part of my life.
5. Become aware of your patterns: We are creatures of habit and have patterns that we unconsciously follow, aided by our intuition that draws us to what it recognizes. We tend to do the same thing over and over again. The better we can understand our patterns and interrupt them, the better we can choose to use our intuition to get what you want rather than what we don’t want. The more time we spend reflecting on our actions and motivations, the more aware we become in the moment, and so we are more able to stop the cycles before they continue. Another strategy for stopping patterns is to interrupt. When we find ourselves falling into a habit, we need to do something totally unexpected and shock our system. For example, sometimes when I am conducting a workshop I say or do something out of context, knowing that when my audience is shocked or confused they are more open to change.

Your intuition is a filter through which you interpret everything in your life, whether you are consciously aware of it or not.

By developing your intuitive skills and resolving unconscious patterns, you will tune your intuition into attracting and sustaining the love you desire in your relationships.

The personal work I have done, using the tools above, has developed my intuition and led me to my life partner, Natalie. I would like to say thank you to the love of my life because together we reflect on our patterns and work together to create the relationship and reality that we wish to experience. We are each others’ teachers as well as best friends, so for your love I am eternally grateful.

Joeel A. Rivera, M.Ed., Ph.D. (ABD) holds a Master’s Degree in Counseling and is currently completing his dissertation for his Ph.D. in Psychology. Joeel’s extensive career as a relationship coach includes certifications in P.R.E.P, a 30-year research-based program for couples, Nurturing Father’s curriculum, and Parenting 21st Century. Joeel is now taking a select number of Life, Relationship, and Entrepreneurship Coaching clients. Visit www.transformationservices.org

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