By Sonia Sharma

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”—Maya Angelou

Going through changes in a being like a butterfly is automatic, but, as humans, we have the free will to either choose to mentally transform or stay in the confines of the cocoon around our trauma, betrayal, injustice or hurt.

Hurt Mindset

I call the cocoon of our hurt the “hurt mindset.” In this mindset, our life, mind, and emotions are encircled by the trauma, betrayal, injustice or hurt we experienced. Our thinking is limited and guided by the hurt, and we continue to focus on all that went wrong. This is not to diminish the trauma, betrayal, injustice or hurt in any way—our hurt has its rightful place, and we should acknowledge and articulate our hurt.

However, after a certain point, only one of the two will be dominant—either our static identity now limited by the hurt, or our new dynamic identity consciously redefined after the hurt.

Heal Mindset

I call the positive mental transformation in response to a trauma, betrayal, injustice or hurt the “heal mindset.” In the heal mindset, we are focused on our healing beyond what went wrong or with whom the blame lies. We decide to advance ourselves past the hurts, traumas, betrayals and are committed to elevating our well-being and enhancing the quality of our life.

Role of Heal Mindset in Self-healing

It is important to understand that “the hurt” has been our reaction to a wrongdoing by the other person. The reaction may be justified, but it is not helping us thrive in our life the way we would like to thrive. So, we can now choose how we respond to the current situation.

Each of us has the ability to transform our reaction of hurt into a response of self-healing. Creating and maintaining a heal mindset can help provide the resilience and grace to build a better life for ourselves. It gets us unstuck from the comfort zone of replaying the hurt repeatedly in our minds and feeling justified. Rather than unintentionally using the hurt as a weapon that continues to grow hurt, we can transform it into a resource that heals.

Sonia Sharma is a speaker and author in the personal development industry. Her work centers on self-healing and living one’s best life. She has also served as a university lecturer for the last 15 years at various prestigious institutions such as Stanford, Columbia University and UC Berkeley. She has been interviewed on radio and television shows, participated and presented at international conferences and published articles and books. She can be reached at sonia108lotus@gmail.com.