By Gregg Sanderson
Ultimately, for every person, happiness is the path and Love is the destination.—Dale Jukes
What do you need to be happy?
For some it takes the right “stuff”—the right house, the right wardrobe or the right laundry detergent.
For others, it takes the right situation—a good job, a good family or a good one-night-stand.
For still more, it requires the right spirituality—salvation, meditation or flagellation.
Sorry to tell you this, but you can have all that and still be miserable. Judgment and Justification (the “Js”), keep you from being happy.
They put conditions on your love, and you clear the path only when you sweep them away.
Love is unconditional. It can’t be, “Don’t ever change,” “I’ll love you when you shape up,” or “The world is a mess.” You keep happiness away as you try to change the world to fit your pictures of how it must be.
Seems to me it would be much easier to change the pictures. Let’s do it.
You travel the path of happiness, and each step takes you closer to the destination—Unconditional Love.
Unsatisfied needs keep happiness away, and the father of them all is the need to be right.
You support the need with the “Js”. You wrap yourself in sanctimony and condescension as…
• You judge any who are different as somehow lesser beings.
• You must prove you’re right and get others to agree with you.
• You respond with anger to opposing views.
• You justify your anger with righteousness.
• You justify your unhappiness with victimhood.
The “Js” are Band-Aids to cover a bruised ego. They aren’t a cure for anything. They don’t make you happy, and never will. If you want to be happy, stop suffering.
Catch yourself when you judge and justify. You might be so busy judging and justifying you won’t notice, so here are a couple of examples:
- A driver follows too closely, then swings around to pass, cuts you off and speeds on, weaving through the traffic.
• What am I feeling?: Irritation. Anger. Fury.
• What is my judgment? He’s stupid, inconsiderate and dangerous. What an unenlightened jerk!
• How am I justified?: I’m a safe driver. I’m only going 5 mph over the speed limit.
• WHAT WOULD LOVE DO?: There he goes.
- At a party, the person you love walks in from the patio with your best friend smiling and laughing.
• What am I feeling?: Jealousy. Fear. Panic.
• What is my judgment?: She shouldn’t have gone out there with him. What will people think? How can she hurt me like that?
• How am I justified?: I have a right to be angry. She doesn’t deserve me. I don’t deserve her.
• WHAT WOULD LOVE DO?: Ah, there they are.
From a feeling standpoint, anything you perceive is either OK or not OK. If it’s not OK you don’t feel good. If it’s OK you don’t feel bad.
You don’t feel good when you NEED a thing (person or situation) to be different from the way it is. Change the NEED to a preference and you feel OK. You can still want it to be different, but you don’t suffer over it.
Start with, “What would Love do?” and picture yourself doing it.
For practice, think about your reaction to the recent election. Happy New Year!
Gregg Sanderson is author of Spirit With A Smile, The World According To BOB. He is a licensed practitioner in the Centers for Spiritual Living, and a Certified Trainer for Infinite Possibilities. His earlier books were, What Ever Happened To Happily Ever After? and Split Happens—Easing The Pain Of Divorce. His latest project is the New Thought Global Network, where subscribers can enjoy the best in New Thought presentations from anywhere at any time. You can see it at http://www.newthoughtglobal.org.