By Mary Boutieller
“There is a vastness that quiets the soul. But sometimes we are so squarely in the midst of life’s forces that we can’t see what we’re a part of.”—Mark Nepo
These last few months have challenged all of us as the world comes to terms with the coronavirus and COVID-19. Things have been shifting daily, with each day bringing more news, closures, tragedies and recommendations. I know that many have been suffering and worried about food, shelter, work, children…and this can be all-consuming. How do we take care of ourselves and try to take care of others in whatever way we can during this challenging time? How do we honor and trust our own inner voice and also honor this process in others?
For me, especially in the beginning, it was a roller coaster ride—up one day and down the next, sleeping well one night and lying awake the next, feeling in control and calm one moment and then an hour later, feeling nervous and anxious. As sensitive, sentient beings, we cannot help but feel the collective energy and consciousness all around us. There are more questions than answers, and I guess the scariest part is not knowing when it will end. That uncertainty can breed fear, anxiety and more.
Having always been a strong person able to handle most anything, I found it hard to be with myself as I experienced on-and-off anxiety. I didn’t realize I was subconsciously holding things in until one day I started crying in front of someone who really doesn’t know me that well! I told her I was sorry (for what I’m not sure) and she said, “It’s okay to break down every once in a while.” She saw my humanness and she met it with compassion, and this simple gesture helped me realize that I was having a normal reaction to an abnormal event (this I learned from my Critical Incident Stress training years ago). Maybe we can think about that for a moment. When we start to question how we are reacting to this or any other tragedy, it helps to realize that we are experiencing an abnormal event. And maybe we can be tender with ourselves as we ride out the storm.
So how do we process what is happening and what we are going through while holding the space for those who are suffering? It’s a tough and individual question. Some will stay inside and watch the news, some will hoard needed supplies, some will volunteer their services, and many others will find their own unique way of helping. I steadfastly believe that these types of events can bring out the best in us, enlarge our capacity for empathy and compassion, and allow us to find hope in the midst of uncertainty. If we only take our eyes away from the nightly news sound bites and search out all the good things that people are doing, we’ll realize it is possible.
I’m grateful that there are so many guides out there helping us navigate this tumultuous path. These guides, angels and wisdom dwellers help light the path and show us the way. This may be through favorite books and poems, music, acts of kindness, meditation, deep conversations, movement or being out in nature, to name just a few. We only have to seek them out, visit them often, and stay centered as best we can.
One of my favorite guides is Mark Nepo, an amazing poet and spiritual writer. In The Book of Awakening, he says, “When feeling urgent, you must slow down…Now more than ever, when the weights you carry seem tied to your wrists, you must not run or flail. Now more than ever, when each decision feels like the end, you must believe that each question is a beginning.” This is sound advice when we feel like we MUST DO SOMETHING or we will burst. This time in our lives is, by choice or by force, asking us to slow down, to go within, to find the truth of our being. It is giving us an opportunity to grow from the inside out as we see in clear definition who we are in this present moment, and who we can become if we are willing to take a look.
So once you have cleaned your house for the upteenth time, organized your closet, binge-watched your favorite shows, stared at the same news channel ad-nauseam—in other words, once you have shaken out all the nervous or numbing energy—listen in. What is your intuition telling you? What is it about this anxiety that comes so often and that we push away with busyness? What are we truly fearful about? What can we learn about ourselves and our habitual coping mechanisms? What have we been putting off saying or doing or being because we just haven’t had the time? Try listening in to your needs, your hopes, your fears and know that it is all okay. It is okay to grieve; it is okay to cry; it is okay to dance in your living room for the sheer joy of it. Allow yourself to express whatever it is you are feeling. If not now, when?
And while it is important to stay informed and take things seriously, I implore you to seek out the happy, joyful, wonderful things all around you. Write a letter to the grandkids, call your family or friends, check on a neighbor, marvel as a butterfly floats through the air, watch sweet, romantic or funny movies, smile and say hello to strangers, give thanks, be kind, and share what you can. Remember that this too shall pass, as it surely will, as the river continues to flow to its ultimate destination no matter how it may be impeded.
Here is what I see as clear as a new day: We are collectively strong, fragile, amazing, generous human beings. So now, more than ever, let’s take a deep resounding breath and remember our essence, our truth, the light within, and our amazing connection to each other.
Sending love and light and wishes for good health.
Mary Boutieller is a Registered Yoga Teacher through Yoga Alliance. She has been teaching yoga since 2005. Her work experience includes 22 years as a firefighter/paramedic and 10 years as a Licensed Massage Therapist. Mary’s knowledge and experience give her a well-rounded understanding of anatomy, alignment, health and movement in the body. She is passionate about the benefits of yoga and the ability to heal at all levels through awareness, compassion, and a willingness to explore. She can be reached at: SimplyogaOm@gmail.com.