By Gregg Sanderson
Don’t pursue happiness, create it.
In early columns, we introduced the new paradigm for happiness. Instead of Stimulus —> Response, where you’re at the mercy of circumstances, we have:
Stimulus —> NEED —> Response
…where you are in charge of the way you feel.
An emotional NEED is an unconscious program that describes what you MUST have to be happy. When the need is unfilled, it triggers unhappy feelings, and screws up the very situations you want to un-screw.
In this installment, we’ll show how needs get programmed into your mental computer, and what you can do about it. You can start today to make life easier and happier.
Sources of Programming
Programming happens when you aren’t paying attention. It sneaks into the unconscious part of your mind where it resides until changed. Sometimes for a lifetime.
We are surrounded by programmers unaware—people and institutions that may mean well, but don’t realize the full effects of their words and actions. Here are some, but certainly not all the sources of our limiting beliefs and programmed needs.
From your Parents and Family: Be a good boy/girl, behave, be polite, and do as I say. Mother knows best and what will the neighbors think? You learn just what to do to please them. “You’re not OK unless you obey.”
In Childhood you hear Fairy Tales that provide you with role models for life. These might set up romantic expectations. Some day you’ll meet your prince or princess, get married, and live happily ever after. “You’re not OK until that day,” so keep looking, oh incomplete one.
In School you learn the difference between right and wrong. Right is good, wrong is bad, and you only get the reward when you’re right. You must give the right answers, and get a good grade. “You’re not OK without an ‘A’.”
If you go to Church, you learn about Heaven and Hell, and get more thoughts of right and wrong. If you live right, you go to Heaven. Do wrong and Hell awaits. Put a buck on the plate for a “Get out of Hell free” card. “You’re not OK unless you pray.”
There’s a reason it’s called “Peer Pressure.” Friends and associates have specific values. Think the right thoughts; wear the right clothes; drive the right car; and support the right politicians. Fit in and be like everybody else. You’re being judged and, “You’re not OK if you dare to stray.”
We also have our beloved Media. Characters, commentators, and commercials give us models for lifestyles to live, opinions to hold, and stuff to buy that will make us happy. The price is limitation and suppression, and “You’re not OK unless you pay.”
This is but a sampling of the barrage of programming dumped upon us daily from many sources. It has nothing to do with the truth about you. You are a whole, complete human being, no matter what’s going on in your life. You don’t have to be perfect because you already are. Your default setting is love.
All the BS* disguises your perfection. One by one you can dismantle them and what’s left is love and happiness. It’s a game, and the object of the game is to learn the rules. To make it interesting, we get a bunch of rules that don’t work.
The First step is awareness.
Recognize the onslaught and counter it immediately. The unconscious mind has no critical faculty. Consciousness and awareness are the gatekeepers that regulate and/or prevent the programming. The challenge is to see it coming, and deny it immediately. When you do, only the positive lands in the unconscious. How can you manage that?
Simple. It just takes two little words to counter any program that comes your way. Think of them in capital letters with an exclamation point for extra emphasis. Those words are, “NOT SO!”
Here’s a start. Fill in the blanks for yourself:
You’re too… (old, lazy, stupid, etc.) ________________________
NOT SO!
You can’t… (do that, have that, be that, etc.) ________________
NOT SO!
You should… (sacrifice, work hard, do as you’re told, etc.)
____________________________________________
NOT SO!
Then, there are NEEDS about your circumstances. For instance:
You don’t have enough… (money, food, time, etc.) ____________
NOT SO!
You can’t change your… (job, marriage, residence, etc.) ________
NOT SO!
You’ll never… (change, find love, be happy, etc.) ______________
NOT SO!
It doesn’t make any difference if your “NOT SO!” is true or not. Say it with enough force and repetition and your unconscious mind will believe it. When it does, the NEED no longer triggers the unhappy responses.
Get the idea? Change your thinking (NEED programming), and be happy whenever you want.
*BS = Belief System
Author’s note: Next month, we’ll show you an easy way to change your programming from the past that triggers whenever a similar situation comes up. If you don’t subscribe to Transformation, do it now so you won’t miss an issue. To contact your friendly author, just send email to gregg@newthoughtctr.org.
Gregg Sanderson is author of Spirit With A Smile, The World According To BOB. He is a licensed practitioner in the Centers for Spiritual Living, and a Certified Trainer for Infinite Possibilities. His earlier books were, What Ever Happened To Happily Ever After? and Split Happens—Easing The Pain Of Divorce. His latest project is the New Thought Global Network, where subscribers can enjoy the best in New Thought presentations from anywhere at any time. You can see it at www.newthoughtglobal.org.